Oh this is a good one! I want to do so much. Seriously...it's why I've had so many different jobs taken so many different classes, trips, trued new often weird things...life is too short to live the same day twice. I wanna do it all! Hmmm....I'd like to travel around the world. See the sights. Not just the touristy spots but also the places only the locals know of. Those are usually the best. If world travel isn't possible, I'd like to see Italy, Egypt, the Amazon River, and Africa. No biggie huh? Haha. I want to open a bakery. A daycare. I want to own my old church building and the building across the street (Wonderland Ballroom). I would like to sing again. Maybe another cafe. Maybe even just a few nights a month at an open Mic night. I'd like to learn more of the violin and guitar. Maybe even learn the piano. I want to learn Latin. Be fluent in it. That and Italian, Egyptian, and German. I want to go skydiving, parasailng...naked horseback riding. LOL. That's not a joke. So much that I wanna do. And yet if all I ever do is settle down in a home with the love of my life and grow old with him....you know, that would be more than alright with me =)
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Test Post
Checking to see if posting by email works for me. Don't be alarmed :)
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Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Life and Other Disasters
Okay so it's not that bad at all. Actually, my life has been getting better than I thought it could. Yeah, yeah there have been some incidents lately. Starting with this one psycho. And you know, I wouldn't have taken such drastic measures (ahem..moving) if it was just regular stalking. But after finding my camera again...on my bed...when I came home, I didn't feel comfortable. Or safe. Cripes. Who knows how long he's been coming in and out as he pleases. Idk how. The locks were changed. Ugh. I don't even care anymore. So with my brother's help, the chickadee and I have relocated to a safe place. My fam didn't think it was so drastic--the move. It's better safe than sorry. So all of us are back together in the same house. Thank goodness it's a big house. Lol. We'd kill each other if that weren't the case. Well...not my sister. She is now living with my ex. Awesome. But that's a whole other story that I'd just rather not get into. Nope nope. Finally making some major demands when it comes to this divorce and custody. He has until the end of the year to sign the divorce papers or else I'll fight dirty. That's plenty of time. I'm tired of games. In fact I'd much rather this ended within the next couple months but court costs money and well...I'm working on it. Heh heh heh.
Other than that things are looking up. I found a good job over here. Good pay and benefits. Finally I'll have health insurance. That's going to relieve a lot of stress. Told them I need at least four days off at the end of January since I already made some plans. Which isn't a total lie. I hate lying. But I was planning something. Finally going to see my love :) The guy that hired me said it shouldn't be a problem but he can't tell me for sure what days I'll be getting off until the middle of August.
My bro found me an apt. Eight bills a month. No other utilities to pay. Free internet. But he wants me to stick around for awhile. He doesn't like the idea of me renting. Wants me to get a house. Um..that's a lot of responsibility to think about right now. Doesn't fit in with my restless nature at all. And he knows it. Lol. Which is why I think he's pushing it. Wants me to 'grow some roots.' Hmm. Anyways, he said I don't have to pay any rent for him. He's got it all covered, what with my mom and other bro living with him too. Woo hoo for me. Though I'll be pitching in whether he likes it or not. At least something. I'm no moocher. I hate that feeling. Bad memories I guess. Still, even then I'll have some extra cash flow. No second job for me. So I'm going to work hard at getting my writing goals accomplished this year. The rest of them.
Speaking of writing. It's not been easy lately. Not depressed or demotivated. I am very motivated and want to write....I just kinda freeze. Hoping that it's just the stress of everything lately. Lots of things still on my mind. Actually...I think it's more that things are starting to go right and I'm not sure how to handle it. Lol. Part of me is still waiting for the next major disaster to happen. Gotta get my mind past that. Things always get better. I think this is my better. It IS my better. If that makes sense.
I've never been this happy.
I painted a picture today. And I sprained my ankle. Guess it balances out.
The picture was of a broken bottle of whiskey with a ragdoll propped up next to it. The background is a red orange haze mixed with splotches of black. Very nice. Not sure what it means if it means anything at all. Just something that flew off my paintbrush.
Other than that things are looking up. I found a good job over here. Good pay and benefits. Finally I'll have health insurance. That's going to relieve a lot of stress. Told them I need at least four days off at the end of January since I already made some plans. Which isn't a total lie. I hate lying. But I was planning something. Finally going to see my love :) The guy that hired me said it shouldn't be a problem but he can't tell me for sure what days I'll be getting off until the middle of August.
My bro found me an apt. Eight bills a month. No other utilities to pay. Free internet. But he wants me to stick around for awhile. He doesn't like the idea of me renting. Wants me to get a house. Um..that's a lot of responsibility to think about right now. Doesn't fit in with my restless nature at all. And he knows it. Lol. Which is why I think he's pushing it. Wants me to 'grow some roots.' Hmm. Anyways, he said I don't have to pay any rent for him. He's got it all covered, what with my mom and other bro living with him too. Woo hoo for me. Though I'll be pitching in whether he likes it or not. At least something. I'm no moocher. I hate that feeling. Bad memories I guess. Still, even then I'll have some extra cash flow. No second job for me. So I'm going to work hard at getting my writing goals accomplished this year. The rest of them.
Speaking of writing. It's not been easy lately. Not depressed or demotivated. I am very motivated and want to write....I just kinda freeze. Hoping that it's just the stress of everything lately. Lots of things still on my mind. Actually...I think it's more that things are starting to go right and I'm not sure how to handle it. Lol. Part of me is still waiting for the next major disaster to happen. Gotta get my mind past that. Things always get better. I think this is my better. It IS my better. If that makes sense.
I've never been this happy.
I painted a picture today. And I sprained my ankle. Guess it balances out.
The picture was of a broken bottle of whiskey with a ragdoll propped up next to it. The background is a red orange haze mixed with splotches of black. Very nice. Not sure what it means if it means anything at all. Just something that flew off my paintbrush.
Friday, July 8, 2011
30 Days of Truth (Day Four): Something You Have to Forgive Someone For
Eww...this one is not going to be fun. So I'm going to make it short. LOL. I know...whine whine whine blah blah blah wah wah wah.
Ok here goes...
My uncle on my mother's side (who is actually her half brother too b/c she is also a child of wedlock. My grandma was a little slutty and liked to have affairs with gringos all the time. Lol. Soo..my mother was one of those love childs.) has always been in our lives since I can remember. In and out anyway. He's the youngest so I guess my mom felt a certain need to lend a hand when it was needed. That usually included a place to stay and/or finding a job. Money. You get the drift.
Unfortunately, he is also the black sheep of the family. The rotten apple. Etc...
Always been involved with drugs, alcohol and gangs. He got my brothers into all that crap, as well as my sister. What a freaking bastard. He tried to get me too. I honestly don't know why I didn't take that venue as well. God knows it was the easiest route and probably the one everyone assumed I would take. But that stuff jsut didn't appeal to me. It never did. They thought it was cool and that being a bad ass (like carrying a gun and selling drugs) was the best thing. I kinda just saw douches.
Anywho...
So yeah. My uncle in a nutshell: Drinks too much, always high, has a WRETCHED temper, trigger happy...paints a pretty picture don't it? *eyeroll*
Well, in my early twenties (hee hee cuz I'm so much older now!) There was a lot of crap going on with my family. My mother took off to Peru to get married and start herself a whole new life with a whole new family. My dad was in Texas, still not over the divorce. And my sibs and I (plus my husband at the time and my newborn) all were left struggling to pay the bills. We all lived together. Yeah. Trouble.
Long story short, my Uncle kinda screwed us over. Ok so he totally did. Years went by, we moved out and he made it seem as though I was ditching my sibs. Um, ok. He threatened to kill me. Molested my sister. And pretty much anything awful you can think of.
I have yet to forgive him.
Not sure I want to.
That's pretty much it.
Ok here goes...
My uncle on my mother's side (who is actually her half brother too b/c she is also a child of wedlock. My grandma was a little slutty and liked to have affairs with gringos all the time. Lol. Soo..my mother was one of those love childs.) has always been in our lives since I can remember. In and out anyway. He's the youngest so I guess my mom felt a certain need to lend a hand when it was needed. That usually included a place to stay and/or finding a job. Money. You get the drift.
Unfortunately, he is also the black sheep of the family. The rotten apple. Etc...
Always been involved with drugs, alcohol and gangs. He got my brothers into all that crap, as well as my sister. What a freaking bastard. He tried to get me too. I honestly don't know why I didn't take that venue as well. God knows it was the easiest route and probably the one everyone assumed I would take. But that stuff jsut didn't appeal to me. It never did. They thought it was cool and that being a bad ass (like carrying a gun and selling drugs) was the best thing. I kinda just saw douches.
Anywho...
So yeah. My uncle in a nutshell: Drinks too much, always high, has a WRETCHED temper, trigger happy...paints a pretty picture don't it? *eyeroll*
Well, in my early twenties (hee hee cuz I'm so much older now!) There was a lot of crap going on with my family. My mother took off to Peru to get married and start herself a whole new life with a whole new family. My dad was in Texas, still not over the divorce. And my sibs and I (plus my husband at the time and my newborn) all were left struggling to pay the bills. We all lived together. Yeah. Trouble.
Long story short, my Uncle kinda screwed us over. Ok so he totally did. Years went by, we moved out and he made it seem as though I was ditching my sibs. Um, ok. He threatened to kill me. Molested my sister. And pretty much anything awful you can think of.
I have yet to forgive him.
Not sure I want to.
That's pretty much it.
Monday, June 6, 2011
30 Days of Truth (Day Three): Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Ooof. Ok, so I did read all the things I was supposed to write about before getting into this whole thing but still...I'm a little nervous about revealing this bit of truth. Here goes...
I got pregnant young. Nineteen. I was raised in church and abortion was something everyone always told me was wrong. I have always been pro choice, though I never thought I'd actually consider having an abortion. To my utmost shame--I did.
I was young. Scared. And ashamed.
All I could think about was myself. The things I wanted to do with my life and how a baby would ruin everything. So abortion came to mind quicker than I ever imagined it would.
I went as far as making the appointment and showing up for it.
I went into the cold room, with its accusing lights and sterile odor.
No this is not my confession. But it has to do with it so bear with me.
I didn't go through with it.
Never have I run so fast in my life. I just knew I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.
It was a rough pregnancy. I mean, I didn't have any morning sickness or anything like that but when I neared my third trimester, my doctor put me on bedrest because he was afraid for my health. Ultrasounds always came out okay. Nothing was ever noticed.
So I was on bedrest for more than two months. Absolute torture for me.
My due date was New Years Day. A little more than a week before that I started having wretched pain in my abdomen. I passsed it off as false alarms--my water never broke. But the pain was so horrid it wouldn't let me sleep. I couldn't sit, lie down...it just wasn't comfortable. I sobbed that entire night through.
In the morning everyone went to work business as usual. Come noon I couldn't take it. I called my mother in law at the time and she took me to the hospital, where I was told that not only was I in labor...but I had been for at least 24hrs.
Long story short, my body wasn't working properly. They took me to O.R. for a cesarean. Things went haywire when they realized there was not one but two babies.
One which was so weak there would be a slim to nill chance of survival.
There was too much blood loss on my part. I was barely there.
That's when the doctor asked me to make a decision.
Save both and die.
Save one and live.
My heart screamed "Them"
My mouth said something else.
They did everything possible to save it. In the end they barely saved one.
And me.
When I came to the next day, they asked if I wanted to know what it was.
I didn't.
I didn't want to know anything. I didn't want to feel. All I wanted was to be left alone with my daughter and the heartbreaking guilt and emptiness that engulfed me. I was inconsolable. My family didn't understand. They had no idea. How could I tell them? How could I tell them that I chose my life over that of my child? I was a horrible person who didn't deserve to be alive.
It was my fault for even thinking about having an abortion.
I was being punishment for considering the unthinkable.
I love my daughter more than anything. She is my entire world and I'm so blessed to be able to watch her grow. But I've never been able to forgive myself for that selfish choice.
I'm not sure I ever will.
Or if I forgiveness is something I even deserve.
I got pregnant young. Nineteen. I was raised in church and abortion was something everyone always told me was wrong. I have always been pro choice, though I never thought I'd actually consider having an abortion. To my utmost shame--I did.
I was young. Scared. And ashamed.
All I could think about was myself. The things I wanted to do with my life and how a baby would ruin everything. So abortion came to mind quicker than I ever imagined it would.
I went as far as making the appointment and showing up for it.
I went into the cold room, with its accusing lights and sterile odor.
No this is not my confession. But it has to do with it so bear with me.
I didn't go through with it.
Never have I run so fast in my life. I just knew I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.
It was a rough pregnancy. I mean, I didn't have any morning sickness or anything like that but when I neared my third trimester, my doctor put me on bedrest because he was afraid for my health. Ultrasounds always came out okay. Nothing was ever noticed.
So I was on bedrest for more than two months. Absolute torture for me.
My due date was New Years Day. A little more than a week before that I started having wretched pain in my abdomen. I passsed it off as false alarms--my water never broke. But the pain was so horrid it wouldn't let me sleep. I couldn't sit, lie down...it just wasn't comfortable. I sobbed that entire night through.
In the morning everyone went to work business as usual. Come noon I couldn't take it. I called my mother in law at the time and she took me to the hospital, where I was told that not only was I in labor...but I had been for at least 24hrs.
Long story short, my body wasn't working properly. They took me to O.R. for a cesarean. Things went haywire when they realized there was not one but two babies.
One which was so weak there would be a slim to nill chance of survival.
There was too much blood loss on my part. I was barely there.
That's when the doctor asked me to make a decision.
Save both and die.
Save one and live.
My heart screamed "Them"
My mouth said something else.
They did everything possible to save it. In the end they barely saved one.
And me.
When I came to the next day, they asked if I wanted to know what it was.
I didn't.
I didn't want to know anything. I didn't want to feel. All I wanted was to be left alone with my daughter and the heartbreaking guilt and emptiness that engulfed me. I was inconsolable. My family didn't understand. They had no idea. How could I tell them? How could I tell them that I chose my life over that of my child? I was a horrible person who didn't deserve to be alive.
It was my fault for even thinking about having an abortion.
I was being punishment for considering the unthinkable.
I love my daughter more than anything. She is my entire world and I'm so blessed to be able to watch her grow. But I've never been able to forgive myself for that selfish choice.
I'm not sure I ever will.
Or if I forgiveness is something I even deserve.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
30 Days of Truth (Day Two): Some Things You Love About Yourself
Oh I figured this one would be second. Love and Hate--aren't they usually placed together? Heh heh. I think I can do this. Oh I definitely can. Wow did that sound big headed or what? Ha!
I love that I'm a good listener.
Of coure I love talking...that's just my nature. But I also love listening to people. Doesn't matter if it's about their day, their past, venting...I just love it. And if it's a problem that they're having, and I can help? Even better!
I love that I can sing.
Not the best, derr, but I am pretty good. And I love it because I can sing all the Disney songs my daughter wants at her parties, sing her to sleep, do a mean karaoke routine...LOL. I love singing! I do it all the time.
I love my lips. :D
I love that I can keep one eye still while moving the other.
I love the mole on my face. Err..some say it's a beauty mark. I say it's a mole. But I still love it.
I love my hair.
Yes, after years of frying it, I've finally grown most of the damaged parts out. I'm looking forward to the day it's back down to my waist.
I love that I'm outgoing.
Sometimes people need those 'pushy,' up and at em friends who get them talking. I really like when shy people come out of their shells. I always try doing that. Idk if that made sense. Hmm.
I love that I can take a joke.
Seriously. I can find humor in nearly everything. Especially in myself. Haha! You gotta learn how to laugh at yoruself. It moves things along in sweetness.
I love that I took the chance to travel as a missionary even though I was young and it was way out of my comfort zone.
I love my writing skillz.
I love my speedy reading habits.
I love me :D
Now that I'm sufficeintly full of myself, I shall say farewell.
I love that I'm a good listener.
Of coure I love talking...that's just my nature. But I also love listening to people. Doesn't matter if it's about their day, their past, venting...I just love it. And if it's a problem that they're having, and I can help? Even better!
I love that I can sing.
Not the best, derr, but I am pretty good. And I love it because I can sing all the Disney songs my daughter wants at her parties, sing her to sleep, do a mean karaoke routine...LOL. I love singing! I do it all the time.
I love my lips. :D
I love that I can keep one eye still while moving the other.
I love the mole on my face. Err..some say it's a beauty mark. I say it's a mole. But I still love it.
I love my hair.
Yes, after years of frying it, I've finally grown most of the damaged parts out. I'm looking forward to the day it's back down to my waist.
I love that I'm outgoing.
Sometimes people need those 'pushy,' up and at em friends who get them talking. I really like when shy people come out of their shells. I always try doing that. Idk if that made sense. Hmm.
I love that I can take a joke.
Seriously. I can find humor in nearly everything. Especially in myself. Haha! You gotta learn how to laugh at yoruself. It moves things along in sweetness.
I love that I took the chance to travel as a missionary even though I was young and it was way out of my comfort zone.
I love my writing skillz.
I love my speedy reading habits.
I love me :D
Now that I'm sufficeintly full of myself, I shall say farewell.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
30 Days of Truth (Day One): Some Things You Hate About Yourself
Hmm...Something I hate about myself? I LOVE myself. ;) Haha. Okay, so there are a few things that I think suck about me but the one thing I really, really, hate is:
I hate that I don't always follow through on my promises.
Yeah. It's bad. Though about 95% of the time I don't do it intentionally. See, my brain works funny. I can retain useless facts, memories, etc...but when it comes to remembering that I promised to do this for someone at this time--blank. I don't know why that is. For example, my friends no longer ask me to pick them up. Not just because I'm currently carless at the moment, but because I won't show up. Either things come up and I'm distracted, or I'll just totally forget. Sometimes ppl ask me to email them and I don't. Or they ask me to write something for them, like a paper (yeah, I know it's bad to write papers for other ppl but who cares...lol...if they don't pass, it's on them) and I don't. Or I'll send it at the very last minute. See? That's another thing.
I hate that I am such a procrastinator!
It's horrible. I'll often leave the dishes until the very last minute, the laundry till there really IS nothing to wear and sometimes I even put off homework until it's almost due. By almost I mean in one hour. Ha! Seriously, you could be talking to me, asking me to do something, and I'll smile and nod and say all the right things but my mind is so not there. Why? Cuz my mind wanders more than it should. You could be talking about how you gotta go get groceries and I'll be wondering why eggplant is purple. You'll tell me you need this and this right now and I'll just nod. But I won't go do it.
I hate that I can't say no.
Or at least I don't say it as often as I should, which only leads to allowing people to dictate my life. I think it's more me trying to please everyone. I feel as though I must say yes, I must be a certain way to please people. There are some who I can truly be myself around but then there are those who just wouldn't understand. A song that comes to mind (and yeah I'm gonna go Disney on you) is the one from Mulan. The one where she is singing, asking when her reflection will show who she truly is. There's this line in it that gets me every time: "Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself...I would break my family's heart." In my case that is true. Oh, my parents love me. My sibs too, even if they have a funny way of showing it. But even they admit that I confuse the hell out of them. Being unable to say no has also been much cause for regret. My past. I can't help but think--aw heck, I know that if I could just say that two letter word, I wouldn't have wasted all those years stuck with someone I didn't love. Among other things...
I hate that I hid my smile for so long cuz of my crooked teeth.
My bottom two teeth are crooked. Not enough money or lack thereof is to blame. No braces. And I had a tendancy to fall asleep while chewing on pens. Ruined them. Rawr. So I would rarely smile. Self concious and all that stuff. Even talking...cuz you can see them. Or laugh. Oh my laugh...I was SO annoyed by it for years. Sometimes when I laugh really hard, I go silent. LOL. Or it comes and goes in squeaky gasps. I think it's funny now and don't give a crap what people think. :)
I hate that I used to be ashamed of my butt.
Fat. That's what someone called me. I've always had a big butt. And boobs. And since I'm short, it makes me super curvy. LOL. That's the nice way of putting it. So I used to dress in baggy shirts and sweats. Felt ugly. Etc, etc, etc....
I hate that I'm scared of death.
I'm not afraid of getting old. I'm afraid of dying before really living. This is why I live every day as though I won't wake up tomorrow. At least I try to. Sometimes...yeah, sometimes it just doesn't end up happening. Heh heh. But I try.
I hate that when people slip away from my life, I let them.
I do. I don't go after them. I don't ask why. I just let them fade away. Not sure why that is. Maybe it's because I feel like if they're not making an effort, then I must not be worth being friends with. Hmm.
Probably more there but that's enough for now.
I hate that I don't always follow through on my promises.
Yeah. It's bad. Though about 95% of the time I don't do it intentionally. See, my brain works funny. I can retain useless facts, memories, etc...but when it comes to remembering that I promised to do this for someone at this time--blank. I don't know why that is. For example, my friends no longer ask me to pick them up. Not just because I'm currently carless at the moment, but because I won't show up. Either things come up and I'm distracted, or I'll just totally forget. Sometimes ppl ask me to email them and I don't. Or they ask me to write something for them, like a paper (yeah, I know it's bad to write papers for other ppl but who cares...lol...if they don't pass, it's on them) and I don't. Or I'll send it at the very last minute. See? That's another thing.
I hate that I am such a procrastinator!
It's horrible. I'll often leave the dishes until the very last minute, the laundry till there really IS nothing to wear and sometimes I even put off homework until it's almost due. By almost I mean in one hour. Ha! Seriously, you could be talking to me, asking me to do something, and I'll smile and nod and say all the right things but my mind is so not there. Why? Cuz my mind wanders more than it should. You could be talking about how you gotta go get groceries and I'll be wondering why eggplant is purple. You'll tell me you need this and this right now and I'll just nod. But I won't go do it.
I hate that I can't say no.
Or at least I don't say it as often as I should, which only leads to allowing people to dictate my life. I think it's more me trying to please everyone. I feel as though I must say yes, I must be a certain way to please people. There are some who I can truly be myself around but then there are those who just wouldn't understand. A song that comes to mind (and yeah I'm gonna go Disney on you) is the one from Mulan. The one where she is singing, asking when her reflection will show who she truly is. There's this line in it that gets me every time: "Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself...I would break my family's heart." In my case that is true. Oh, my parents love me. My sibs too, even if they have a funny way of showing it. But even they admit that I confuse the hell out of them. Being unable to say no has also been much cause for regret. My past. I can't help but think--aw heck, I know that if I could just say that two letter word, I wouldn't have wasted all those years stuck with someone I didn't love. Among other things...
I hate that I hid my smile for so long cuz of my crooked teeth.
My bottom two teeth are crooked. Not enough money or lack thereof is to blame. No braces. And I had a tendancy to fall asleep while chewing on pens. Ruined them. Rawr. So I would rarely smile. Self concious and all that stuff. Even talking...cuz you can see them. Or laugh. Oh my laugh...I was SO annoyed by it for years. Sometimes when I laugh really hard, I go silent. LOL. Or it comes and goes in squeaky gasps. I think it's funny now and don't give a crap what people think. :)
I hate that I used to be ashamed of my butt.
Fat. That's what someone called me. I've always had a big butt. And boobs. And since I'm short, it makes me super curvy. LOL. That's the nice way of putting it. So I used to dress in baggy shirts and sweats. Felt ugly. Etc, etc, etc....
I hate that I'm scared of death.
I'm not afraid of getting old. I'm afraid of dying before really living. This is why I live every day as though I won't wake up tomorrow. At least I try to. Sometimes...yeah, sometimes it just doesn't end up happening. Heh heh. But I try.
I hate that when people slip away from my life, I let them.
I do. I don't go after them. I don't ask why. I just let them fade away. Not sure why that is. Maybe it's because I feel like if they're not making an effort, then I must not be worth being friends with. Hmm.
Probably more there but that's enough for now.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Crazy Long
Lovely things are happening everywhere if you just take the time to stop and look at them. Yes, I know I probably sound like some sort of Prozac commercial, but I saw the most beautiful sunset today. It looked like someone was taking a walk across the sky, leaving a trail of pink, peach, and gray dust in their wake. Which only led my thoughts to the past and straight for a verse I remember from my church going days.
*The clouds are the dust beneath His feet.*
Not positive if that's word for word but it struck a chord deep down in the part of me that I keep locked tight. The place where faith and reality meet.
I've seen things in my life that would bring most people to their knees in repentance...hell, they brought me there at the time...and I know what the truth is. I'm not saying there isn't a God. There definitely is. How can someone look at this planet, know the things we do, and still believe otherwise? That man is a fool. There are so many discoveries in science that have pointed to the existence of a being bigger than our imagination. Bigger than us. A far grander scale of things than we're led to believe. Yet, people still choose to ignore the facts and lean toward the straw grasping theories we call 'fact' while snubbing their nose at what is staring them in the face.
I was raised in the church. My parents, though far from perfect, tried to raise me right. I have to admit they did a good job considering the obstacles in their paths about 90% of the time. I didn't do drugs (except once at eighteen..it’s called being stupid), I wasn't in a gang, I didn't sleep around, and I was overall, a pretty good kid. Thing is, my life revolved around church and religion so much that when one of those let me down, my entire world crumbled. There was a hiccup in my life, which led to an unintended pregnancy. I knew I'd done wrong, but taking from the knowledge that had been instilled in me forever, I knew God would forgive me.
Unfortunately, people weren't as forgiving.
The same people who raised and mentored me. How disappointing is that?
Very...especially to a teenager that truly believed in goodness of people.
My 'worldly' friends were much more understanding, loving, forgiving, and helping than those who dared call themselves Christians. I was ashamed of calling the people in my congregation that.
So I gave up.
On God?
Yes. For a while.
Now, I realize it wasn't his fault. Man is flawed, He is not.
I still resent those people who were too full of their own crap to think twice about their actions.
Oh well.
For those of you who are strong believers, don't get me wrong. I give props to those who are true to their beliefs. It isn't easy to stay on the right path.
But, don't judge people. Don't ever think higher of yourself just because you have this many years in church. Or this many years preaching. None of that means anything to the person you are putting down. You may as well be talking out of your ass for all the good it's gonna do you.
And that is my piece.
:)
If you don't like it, then don't read it. I do this for my own happiness heheheh.
If you like it, great, if it makes you laugh...even better! But nobody's holding a gun to your head.
And if they are...that's sick. Seriously sick.
My thoughts on horses.
Horses are great. Cats are greater. Thus sayeth me.
Chocolate Sardines.
I know what you're thinking...this chick is seriously twisted.
Chocolate sardines?
So hear me out, eh? Yes, hear me out you shall!
This is my own little saying.
You know those moments in life that you think should be sweet...and perhaps they start off that way, they most often do...but then they turn into nasty situations?
CHOCOLATE SARDINES!!
It's those times that tease your senses and lure you in with the promise of delicious pleasure...only to leave you with a salty chunk of fishiness. Maybe even a spine?
Ugh! I just grossed myself out.
ATLANTIS
Yeah, I do think it existed at one point, and perhaps still does.
There is enough 'fact' on both sides of this argument for it to provoke a nice heated discussion on the topic. How does that saying go? Don't bring up religion, politics and Atlantis? heheheh
There are so many theories; I couldn't even begin to tell you my thoughts on all of them.
Instead, I'll leave you with my own.
I think Atlantis was a city, maybe an island, and it just disappeared into another dimension.
They were advanced people! An advanced civilization that probably figured out the 'wrinkle' in the fabric of time and space and now are living hunky dory in another, more calm, Earth.
NEPHILIM (too lazy to really figure out the spelling)
Uh, yeah, the bible says they did at one point...who's to say they still don't?
My theory?
Vampires.
Angels coming down to have sex with women and then their children were considered giants? Maybe giants wasn't the right translation. Maybe it was less literal.
The Nephilim were strong, fast, and almost superhero-ish.
Then the flood?
Perhaps they had to feed off the flesh and blood of dead animals and humans and that's how they became cursed?
or
They struck a deal with the devil, who turned them into 'vampires'
Reason for the ' ' s???
Because vampires, especially lately, have been depicted as glittering hot guys who make you fall madly in love with them. Not exactly the kind I have in mind. Ha ha.
Ok, so now that I’ve bored you to tears. Or made you wonder if I'm in need of psychiatric evaluation. (which I might be) I'll sign off.
I gotta sift through emails and pick some funny topics out. This was sort of fun!
Educational? Absolutely not!
But fun....and after all....isn't that what is most important??
So there is this island just off the shore of Novia Scotia, Canada, called Oak Island.
On it, there is this pit called the Money Pit, and it is supposed to have some crap load of treasure at the bottom. It was discovered by a teen in the late 1700's and since then, NOBODY has been able to dig it out!
Can we say...intriguing?
Cuz I certainly am. =)
Anyway, so when I heard of it, I looked it up and they're still digging. Apparently, whoever built it also set up ingenious traps beneath the ground. Traps no one has been able to handle. Nice.
There are a bunch of theories as to what treasure is down there.
Marie Antoinette’s lost jewels
The Holy Grail
The Ark of the Covenant (indie jones baby!)
Blackbeard's treasure
etc...
I wonder...I'd like to go there and take a look. It would be fun. With all the technology we have these days, you'd think they'd be able to figure out a way to get whatever is down there--out. Or at least figure out if there IS anything there.
Alright, enough with the boring news. Heheheh
Lately it feels as though my heart can be laid bare at any given moment. Or maybe it already has been. I shouldn’t be, but I am, and then I’m not, and then I wonder…grr. And then I’m stuck in the middle between my heart and my head where fear abounds in many different ways. Sigh. I just confused myself. I’m not mad or sad or whatever…just,, well..Just. Lol.
There are things I still have to work on when it comes to my writing hat and my mommy hat.
I really need to start setting aside time as 'writing only' and the rest of my time needs to be spent more constructively.
My family is supportive...and many friends as well.
For which I'm extremely grateful.
I always enjoy the emails from them asking how my writing is going.
And that they follow my tweets, FB page posts, blog, etc...
No way I'd ever be able to pay them back for all their support, but if (when!) I make it...I will certainly try!
My hair looks freakish. Humidity can do that.
It always curls. Grr...
I'm in the mood for Jimmy Johns...
I haven't heard Out of Eden in like forever!
Lord of the Rings is on...yeah baby
Oh! Oh! My muses are lost!
Holmes and Watson...my two main men!
(yeah, I guess it's creepy that they're my muses...but it works for me)
My cat is getting fatter....lol...pretty soon he's gonna be rolling to me.
He's too cute though.
I can't find my Rent dvd. Now doesn't that just bite my arse? Hmm...
I'm in love with FuzzyOrb. =D
I think I'm going to blow out an eardrum...I like to listen to my music really loud. Too loud. Oh well.
"Shot to the heart, and you're to blame...you give love...a bad name"
On a less random and more serious note....
I'm not always goofy.
Just love making people smile.
Life is too short not to have a laugh at your own expense.
Anywho...
I'm trying to get all my printed out crap, notebook notes, and etc...into my laptop.
Oh man!
I'm all finished with my new books so I'm going to have to save up and then go back to that half priced book store.
No, I don't feel shame. :)
I would rather ppl pay half price for my novel than waste money they don't have on it. At least they enjoy it either way. I'm not in it for the money. I just want ppl to love what they read and have a laugh along the way.
I love small towns!
If I ever had a bunch of money, whether it be from lottery, blah blah blah...I'd like to buy a ranch. Or at least some hundred (or more) acres of land to live out the rest of my days on. Preferably near the mountains where all four seasons hit. (sigh) this is my dream!
Horses, land, big open skies! And my laptop and I just relaxing on a front porch swing, taking it all in.
Anyone have tips on how to get motivated? I have no problem once I'm at the gym...it's the getting there part that eludes me.
Maybe I should join a gym with a pool. Now there's my motivation in a nutshell.
I wonder if they sell waterproof literature.
Anywho (can you tell that's my fave saying???)
I'm just listening to....
"You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even angels fall."
Kinda depressing right now. Let's switch it up.
How about....
Vida Loca? Oh yeah! Now we're talking!
Heheheh...I know...sometimes I scare myself.
Soooo.....
My daughter is pretty darn happy about staying up so late. She's wrapping my headphones around her leg, not knowing that I can see her from where I sit. Hmm...I'll give her five more minutes to do the right thing and put them back.
I'm wondering if having two emails is a good thing. It means twice the work.
Speaking of cleaning.
I really need to clean my bedroom. After my tantrum last night, it's a disaster. Cripes.
*The clouds are the dust beneath His feet.*
Not positive if that's word for word but it struck a chord deep down in the part of me that I keep locked tight. The place where faith and reality meet.
I've seen things in my life that would bring most people to their knees in repentance...hell, they brought me there at the time...and I know what the truth is. I'm not saying there isn't a God. There definitely is. How can someone look at this planet, know the things we do, and still believe otherwise? That man is a fool. There are so many discoveries in science that have pointed to the existence of a being bigger than our imagination. Bigger than us. A far grander scale of things than we're led to believe. Yet, people still choose to ignore the facts and lean toward the straw grasping theories we call 'fact' while snubbing their nose at what is staring them in the face.
I was raised in the church. My parents, though far from perfect, tried to raise me right. I have to admit they did a good job considering the obstacles in their paths about 90% of the time. I didn't do drugs (except once at eighteen..it’s called being stupid), I wasn't in a gang, I didn't sleep around, and I was overall, a pretty good kid. Thing is, my life revolved around church and religion so much that when one of those let me down, my entire world crumbled. There was a hiccup in my life, which led to an unintended pregnancy. I knew I'd done wrong, but taking from the knowledge that had been instilled in me forever, I knew God would forgive me.
Unfortunately, people weren't as forgiving.
The same people who raised and mentored me. How disappointing is that?
Very...especially to a teenager that truly believed in goodness of people.
My 'worldly' friends were much more understanding, loving, forgiving, and helping than those who dared call themselves Christians. I was ashamed of calling the people in my congregation that.
So I gave up.
On God?
Yes. For a while.
Now, I realize it wasn't his fault. Man is flawed, He is not.
I still resent those people who were too full of their own crap to think twice about their actions.
Oh well.
For those of you who are strong believers, don't get me wrong. I give props to those who are true to their beliefs. It isn't easy to stay on the right path.
But, don't judge people. Don't ever think higher of yourself just because you have this many years in church. Or this many years preaching. None of that means anything to the person you are putting down. You may as well be talking out of your ass for all the good it's gonna do you.
And that is my piece.
:)
If you don't like it, then don't read it. I do this for my own happiness heheheh.
If you like it, great, if it makes you laugh...even better! But nobody's holding a gun to your head.
And if they are...that's sick. Seriously sick.
My thoughts on horses.
Horses are great. Cats are greater. Thus sayeth me.
Chocolate Sardines.
I know what you're thinking...this chick is seriously twisted.
Chocolate sardines?
So hear me out, eh? Yes, hear me out you shall!
This is my own little saying.
You know those moments in life that you think should be sweet...and perhaps they start off that way, they most often do...but then they turn into nasty situations?
CHOCOLATE SARDINES!!
It's those times that tease your senses and lure you in with the promise of delicious pleasure...only to leave you with a salty chunk of fishiness. Maybe even a spine?
Ugh! I just grossed myself out.
ATLANTIS
Yeah, I do think it existed at one point, and perhaps still does.
There is enough 'fact' on both sides of this argument for it to provoke a nice heated discussion on the topic. How does that saying go? Don't bring up religion, politics and Atlantis? heheheh
There are so many theories; I couldn't even begin to tell you my thoughts on all of them.
Instead, I'll leave you with my own.
I think Atlantis was a city, maybe an island, and it just disappeared into another dimension.
They were advanced people! An advanced civilization that probably figured out the 'wrinkle' in the fabric of time and space and now are living hunky dory in another, more calm, Earth.
NEPHILIM (too lazy to really figure out the spelling)
Uh, yeah, the bible says they did at one point...who's to say they still don't?
My theory?
Vampires.
Angels coming down to have sex with women and then their children were considered giants? Maybe giants wasn't the right translation. Maybe it was less literal.
The Nephilim were strong, fast, and almost superhero-ish.
Then the flood?
Perhaps they had to feed off the flesh and blood of dead animals and humans and that's how they became cursed?
or
They struck a deal with the devil, who turned them into 'vampires'
Reason for the ' ' s???
Because vampires, especially lately, have been depicted as glittering hot guys who make you fall madly in love with them. Not exactly the kind I have in mind. Ha ha.
Ok, so now that I’ve bored you to tears. Or made you wonder if I'm in need of psychiatric evaluation. (which I might be) I'll sign off.
I gotta sift through emails and pick some funny topics out. This was sort of fun!
Educational? Absolutely not!
But fun....and after all....isn't that what is most important??
So there is this island just off the shore of Novia Scotia, Canada, called Oak Island.
On it, there is this pit called the Money Pit, and it is supposed to have some crap load of treasure at the bottom. It was discovered by a teen in the late 1700's and since then, NOBODY has been able to dig it out!
Can we say...intriguing?
Cuz I certainly am. =)
Anyway, so when I heard of it, I looked it up and they're still digging. Apparently, whoever built it also set up ingenious traps beneath the ground. Traps no one has been able to handle. Nice.
There are a bunch of theories as to what treasure is down there.
Marie Antoinette’s lost jewels
The Holy Grail
The Ark of the Covenant (indie jones baby!)
Blackbeard's treasure
etc...
I wonder...I'd like to go there and take a look. It would be fun. With all the technology we have these days, you'd think they'd be able to figure out a way to get whatever is down there--out. Or at least figure out if there IS anything there.
Alright, enough with the boring news. Heheheh
Lately it feels as though my heart can be laid bare at any given moment. Or maybe it already has been. I shouldn’t be, but I am, and then I’m not, and then I wonder…grr. And then I’m stuck in the middle between my heart and my head where fear abounds in many different ways. Sigh. I just confused myself. I’m not mad or sad or whatever…just,, well..Just. Lol.
There are things I still have to work on when it comes to my writing hat and my mommy hat.
I really need to start setting aside time as 'writing only' and the rest of my time needs to be spent more constructively.
My family is supportive...and many friends as well.
For which I'm extremely grateful.
I always enjoy the emails from them asking how my writing is going.
And that they follow my tweets, FB page posts, blog, etc...
No way I'd ever be able to pay them back for all their support, but if (when!) I make it...I will certainly try!
My hair looks freakish. Humidity can do that.
It always curls. Grr...
I'm in the mood for Jimmy Johns...
I haven't heard Out of Eden in like forever!
Lord of the Rings is on...yeah baby
Oh! Oh! My muses are lost!
Holmes and Watson...my two main men!
(yeah, I guess it's creepy that they're my muses...but it works for me)
My cat is getting fatter....lol...pretty soon he's gonna be rolling to me.
He's too cute though.
I can't find my Rent dvd. Now doesn't that just bite my arse? Hmm...
I'm in love with FuzzyOrb. =D
I think I'm going to blow out an eardrum...I like to listen to my music really loud. Too loud. Oh well.
"Shot to the heart, and you're to blame...you give love...a bad name"
On a less random and more serious note....
I'm not always goofy.
Just love making people smile.
Life is too short not to have a laugh at your own expense.
Anywho...
I'm trying to get all my printed out crap, notebook notes, and etc...into my laptop.
Oh man!
I'm all finished with my new books so I'm going to have to save up and then go back to that half priced book store.
No, I don't feel shame. :)
I would rather ppl pay half price for my novel than waste money they don't have on it. At least they enjoy it either way. I'm not in it for the money. I just want ppl to love what they read and have a laugh along the way.
I love small towns!
If I ever had a bunch of money, whether it be from lottery, blah blah blah...I'd like to buy a ranch. Or at least some hundred (or more) acres of land to live out the rest of my days on. Preferably near the mountains where all four seasons hit. (sigh) this is my dream!
Horses, land, big open skies! And my laptop and I just relaxing on a front porch swing, taking it all in.
Anyone have tips on how to get motivated? I have no problem once I'm at the gym...it's the getting there part that eludes me.
Maybe I should join a gym with a pool. Now there's my motivation in a nutshell.
I wonder if they sell waterproof literature.
Anywho (can you tell that's my fave saying???)
I'm just listening to....
"You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even angels fall."
Kinda depressing right now. Let's switch it up.
How about....
Vida Loca? Oh yeah! Now we're talking!
Heheheh...I know...sometimes I scare myself.
Soooo.....
My daughter is pretty darn happy about staying up so late. She's wrapping my headphones around her leg, not knowing that I can see her from where I sit. Hmm...I'll give her five more minutes to do the right thing and put them back.
I'm wondering if having two emails is a good thing. It means twice the work.
Speaking of cleaning.
I really need to clean my bedroom. After my tantrum last night, it's a disaster. Cripes.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Just Sayin
My vote is for SpongeBob...though some of the things he says are just excuses for swear words. He's my kind of sponge! My daughter is obsessed with him...and Mr. Krabs. She runs around the house yelling "Barnacle head!" Oh yeah, that is so not a substitute for shithead. :) I can't help cracking up though. She tells me when she grows up, she's going to swear just like me. Ahh...words to warm a mother's heart.
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HAPPY!
That's how happy I am. :) Not about the swearing. Just in general.
My elbows are dry.
On another note...I shaved my legs today. Tee hee. Go me!
Yeah, maybe I should really get a schedule. Not for my day to day routine, but more for the critique I owe other writers. Grr...
I'm so bad at keeping track of things! Not cool when you promise things and then don't deliver. (sigh) I hope people will forgive me for being so slow. Heheheh
I can't believe how many people really keep a schedule! A friend of mine actually has both a blackberry and a little planner. He's always scribbling in the damn thing and he actually emails me to tell me he's received my email, and will respond "In short order." Heheheh. Word.
I used to have a planner. Yes, even I have succumbed to the man at one point...but then I was forced to grow up and actually have a life. There went my planner, along with all my good intentions to make better use of my time. I think I actually have it, somewhere, though all that's written in it is:
call so and so
make sure to write so and so
call back so and so
page so and so (yes, you read right.)
Ah, to be young with nothing better to do. I say this as if I'm in my seventies. Although sometimes...
So right now I'm drinking, writing, and watching this show about true stories from the ER.
Umm...yeah. Ppl are a little too calm for such extreme situations.
I should tell them about the time this guy almost tore a hole through the wall, he was so high. I swear that chair had a mind of its own...it flew right by me, barely missing my head. Now that was pretty wild!
Still, at least they're fairly accurate in portraying hospital life.
Here's a random question...why were sporks invented in the plastic variety, but not in real silverware?
Or maybe I'm just dumb and haven't seen one. Maybe they do exist. I must find out!
Wow, speaking of random, today I saw this guy walking around in a fishnet shirt that looked more like a tankini thing...big old belly hanging out. Mind you this guy was about sixty, and way too old to be doing that sort of thing.
Hell...I don't ever want to see a guy wearing such a thing. Not even if it was Hugh Jackman. (shudder)
Speaking of walnuts...I must go buy some!
Cookies here I come!
I miss my job at the cafe, only because I was allowed to sing every now and then.
Anyone know some good karaoke bars in the Chicago area??
I'm itching to bust a song or two out in the microphone.
And you won't be cringing in horror...I sing pretty darn good!
Country is my specialty, though I'm always up for a challenge. Heheheh
EWWWW
You know what I tasted the other day? Anchovies.
Just for the hell of it.
It was nasty.
Never again.
I'm looking out the window right now at the trees that surround my apartment. Since I'm on the second floor, it almost looks as though I'm floating. If I stare long enough....I get kind of dizzy. Pretty neat, huh?
I can't believe I didn't add "Love Remains the Same" on my playlist.
I just realized this. I love that song!
My hair has gotten so long and that makes me so happy. =D
A friend asked how I can keep going when my life is falling apart.
I just smiled and said, "What life?"
Just kidding.
Nah, it's just that...if you don't find humor in things, then what's the point of anything? You spend your life moping and being angry. I've tried that. It was hell on my complexion.
I'm smart enough to brush it off and say, "OOops. I guess I'd better watch it next time."
Heheheh
I love this saying: When life sucks, that's when you need to suck it up.
So I am.
This is just one page in the novel of my life. And trust me, one bad page doesn't ruin an entire story. :)
I have no more tears to cry. I have no more time to waste.
Whatever happens will happen and I'll take it as it comes.
Then I'll sweep up whatever small disasters come my way, get some superglue and a bottle of whiskey. I'll stick the pieces back together and drink to my mistakes.
The lights are all trying to go out. Awesome.
Muahuahahah! (my version of evil laughter, how was it?)
The funniest thing though...as the storm started up and the wind began blowing, trees thrashing about as the rain pelted down like bullets. Lo and behold, a five year old girl came barreling down the sidewalk on her bike with a terrified look on her face. She was screaming, pedaling towards (I'm assuming) her house. Just as I began to wonder where the parents were, I spotted her mother running and screaming after her.
It was too funny.
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HAPPY!
That's how happy I am. :) Not about the swearing. Just in general.
My elbows are dry.
On another note...I shaved my legs today. Tee hee. Go me!
Yeah, maybe I should really get a schedule. Not for my day to day routine, but more for the critique I owe other writers. Grr...
I'm so bad at keeping track of things! Not cool when you promise things and then don't deliver. (sigh) I hope people will forgive me for being so slow. Heheheh
I can't believe how many people really keep a schedule! A friend of mine actually has both a blackberry and a little planner. He's always scribbling in the damn thing and he actually emails me to tell me he's received my email, and will respond "In short order." Heheheh. Word.
I used to have a planner. Yes, even I have succumbed to the man at one point...but then I was forced to grow up and actually have a life. There went my planner, along with all my good intentions to make better use of my time. I think I actually have it, somewhere, though all that's written in it is:
call so and so
make sure to write so and so
call back so and so
page so and so (yes, you read right.)
Ah, to be young with nothing better to do. I say this as if I'm in my seventies. Although sometimes...
So right now I'm drinking, writing, and watching this show about true stories from the ER.
Umm...yeah. Ppl are a little too calm for such extreme situations.
I should tell them about the time this guy almost tore a hole through the wall, he was so high. I swear that chair had a mind of its own...it flew right by me, barely missing my head. Now that was pretty wild!
Still, at least they're fairly accurate in portraying hospital life.
Here's a random question...why were sporks invented in the plastic variety, but not in real silverware?
Or maybe I'm just dumb and haven't seen one. Maybe they do exist. I must find out!
Wow, speaking of random, today I saw this guy walking around in a fishnet shirt that looked more like a tankini thing...big old belly hanging out. Mind you this guy was about sixty, and way too old to be doing that sort of thing.
Hell...I don't ever want to see a guy wearing such a thing. Not even if it was Hugh Jackman. (shudder)
Speaking of walnuts...I must go buy some!
Cookies here I come!
I miss my job at the cafe, only because I was allowed to sing every now and then.
Anyone know some good karaoke bars in the Chicago area??
I'm itching to bust a song or two out in the microphone.
And you won't be cringing in horror...I sing pretty darn good!
Country is my specialty, though I'm always up for a challenge. Heheheh
EWWWW
You know what I tasted the other day? Anchovies.
Just for the hell of it.
It was nasty.
Never again.
I'm looking out the window right now at the trees that surround my apartment. Since I'm on the second floor, it almost looks as though I'm floating. If I stare long enough....I get kind of dizzy. Pretty neat, huh?
I can't believe I didn't add "Love Remains the Same" on my playlist.
I just realized this. I love that song!
My hair has gotten so long and that makes me so happy. =D
A friend asked how I can keep going when my life is falling apart.
I just smiled and said, "What life?"
Just kidding.
Nah, it's just that...if you don't find humor in things, then what's the point of anything? You spend your life moping and being angry. I've tried that. It was hell on my complexion.
I'm smart enough to brush it off and say, "OOops. I guess I'd better watch it next time."
Heheheh
I love this saying: When life sucks, that's when you need to suck it up.
So I am.
This is just one page in the novel of my life. And trust me, one bad page doesn't ruin an entire story. :)
I have no more tears to cry. I have no more time to waste.
Whatever happens will happen and I'll take it as it comes.
Then I'll sweep up whatever small disasters come my way, get some superglue and a bottle of whiskey. I'll stick the pieces back together and drink to my mistakes.
The lights are all trying to go out. Awesome.
Muahuahahah! (my version of evil laughter, how was it?)
The funniest thing though...as the storm started up and the wind began blowing, trees thrashing about as the rain pelted down like bullets. Lo and behold, a five year old girl came barreling down the sidewalk on her bike with a terrified look on her face. She was screaming, pedaling towards (I'm assuming) her house. Just as I began to wonder where the parents were, I spotted her mother running and screaming after her.
It was too funny.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Take Me There
Lately it seems there has been a pattern growing. I sleep exactly three hours and ten minutes. I actually timed it the last couple nights. Wierd huh? Yeah. Definitely twilight zoneish. Heh heh.
This song always reminds me of the town I grew up in. Well, the one I mainly grew up in. We moved around a lot when growing up but there was one we actually spent more than a year in. I still love wego. Yeah it's a nickname for the town. Lol. That's not what it's called. It's one of those small towns where they still have the old main street, with the original buildings. Of course the buildings re now karate schools, nail salons, and a thrift shopt but you get the picture. Main street actually goes up quite a ways and passes the Tastee Freeze, the old indian trail that is now a bike path, all the way up to the main park. Very quiet, calm, and such a nice place to live. Of course, that got boring at times...Me being the adventure seeker I am, always had to go looking for trouble.
I'll tell you some secrets about that town.
Don't walk through the tunnel under the railroad tracks after dark. Not only are there wierdos, but you never know what kind of STD you might catch. LOL. Kidding. Just wierdos.
There's a spot on the bridge where you can play chicken with the train. It's got an escape hatch. You kick the rock away and it drops you into a soft patch of hay. I have absolutely no idea why there is hay there. It's not like there are any stables around but there it is. Haha.
Entrance X of the high school is the easiest to bust through. All you need is a credit card. It's also the entrance to the pool so if you're feeling like a late night swim, that's the way to go.
What else can I say without getting into trouble?
Nothing. Lol.
Right now I'm outside watching the wind whisper through the trees.
It's a hot day but it smells like rain. I hoope so. It would certainly cool things off a bit. Would have been a nice day for the beach.
Anywho
As for the title of the post..derr. It's the title of the song. Haha.
I love the words in this song but couldn't find one with them that actually had them spelled correctly. Dislike when that happens. Rawr. I would make one of my own but I have absolutely no idea where to start.
My brother needs a place to stay. He might crash at my place for a few months.
He's single at least. Lol. Not sure how I would handle a girlfriend.
Bah! I'll write more later. I must go hide from the storm :( Super frowny!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Cavemen Ate Candy and Loved It
I wasn't kidding about the title. I never joke about titles. LOL. Ah life.
I'm pretty sure if cavemen existed they would have found some way to eat candy. It's just not possible to be without it. Believe me. I've tried.
I was going to do another video blog but I didn't feel like it so maybe next week. Freaking out a little over school. The chickadee is going to one this fall. Sirens are going off in my head. They remind me that I still have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to raising a kid. Insecurity, rawr. Anywho. I'll deal. I have to. There is no room for insecurity in my life.
On another note, my elbows are dry again. It's a curse. It could also be cuz I was leaning on them on the concrete. But how else was I supposed to draw with the chalk? Hmm...I sound incredibly immature. Oh well.
Right now I'm sipping some hot chocolate while the sun sets, watching the Cubs game and listening to the chickadee read Dr. Suess. It's one of those moments I love. When things are calm, almost surreal. Like...nothing absolutely nothing can go wrong. It's almost perfect.
Even the cool evening air smells delish. Mmmm...It's cool enough to need a blanket but not enough to close the windows. It's gonna be a great night. Perfect for snuggling in bed with a good movie playing.
I should be writing. I will be. Just enjoying this slice of bliss. A different bliss than the one I feel when giving life to my stories. :)
Man. Cubs are losing bad.
I wonder where they sell those fans that you can squirt water from. The little ones you wear like a necklace. Walmart? Hmm. I like those. Might come in handy. Never know.
I also want some orange lipstick.
I'm getting better at playing the guitar. Go me. Still get stuck with certain chords. Cuz my fingers are so short. Trying to put music to this one song. It's a surprise. :) Hopefully I can get it by the end of summer.
I'm restless again. This is what happens. I don't know if I'd call it spring fever because it happens several times a year. My mom thinks it's the spanish in my blood. I don't know wth that means. Apparently it makes sense to her. :/ My brother is having a boy! So excited. And he got a new car. Well, used new. Lol. Ugh. I need a new car. Poor charlie.
R wants me to move with her to Maine. Been thnking of Carolina. Not sure yet. It would happen in a year or two. Got things to tie up here before I lift my roots and run for it. Things to take care of. Leglities and such. Oh...four letter words!! If he doesn't sign those papers I'm going to....Well he'd just better! This is dragging on way too long. And he knows it. Idk what he's thinking...ugh.
So I've started this excercise thing with R and she has been on my arse since I told her about it. Which is good. It's what I need. Someone reminding me daily about going to the gym and eating right. Needless to say I am going to miss my candy at four in the morngin. And my slurpees. *sob* But I need to do this. Just three months. Three months and I should be good. Ha! Then the holidays. Oi.
I gave myself bangs.
Still not sure if they look good or not.
Only time will tell.
Wow this has been about nothing.
The End.
I'm pretty sure if cavemen existed they would have found some way to eat candy. It's just not possible to be without it. Believe me. I've tried.
I was going to do another video blog but I didn't feel like it so maybe next week. Freaking out a little over school. The chickadee is going to one this fall. Sirens are going off in my head. They remind me that I still have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to raising a kid. Insecurity, rawr. Anywho. I'll deal. I have to. There is no room for insecurity in my life.
On another note, my elbows are dry again. It's a curse. It could also be cuz I was leaning on them on the concrete. But how else was I supposed to draw with the chalk? Hmm...I sound incredibly immature. Oh well.
Right now I'm sipping some hot chocolate while the sun sets, watching the Cubs game and listening to the chickadee read Dr. Suess. It's one of those moments I love. When things are calm, almost surreal. Like...nothing absolutely nothing can go wrong. It's almost perfect.
Even the cool evening air smells delish. Mmmm...It's cool enough to need a blanket but not enough to close the windows. It's gonna be a great night. Perfect for snuggling in bed with a good movie playing.
I should be writing. I will be. Just enjoying this slice of bliss. A different bliss than the one I feel when giving life to my stories. :)
Man. Cubs are losing bad.
I wonder where they sell those fans that you can squirt water from. The little ones you wear like a necklace. Walmart? Hmm. I like those. Might come in handy. Never know.
I also want some orange lipstick.
I'm getting better at playing the guitar. Go me. Still get stuck with certain chords. Cuz my fingers are so short. Trying to put music to this one song. It's a surprise. :) Hopefully I can get it by the end of summer.
I'm restless again. This is what happens. I don't know if I'd call it spring fever because it happens several times a year. My mom thinks it's the spanish in my blood. I don't know wth that means. Apparently it makes sense to her. :/ My brother is having a boy! So excited. And he got a new car. Well, used new. Lol. Ugh. I need a new car. Poor charlie.
R wants me to move with her to Maine. Been thnking of Carolina. Not sure yet. It would happen in a year or two. Got things to tie up here before I lift my roots and run for it. Things to take care of. Leglities and such. Oh...four letter words!! If he doesn't sign those papers I'm going to....Well he'd just better! This is dragging on way too long. And he knows it. Idk what he's thinking...ugh.
So I've started this excercise thing with R and she has been on my arse since I told her about it. Which is good. It's what I need. Someone reminding me daily about going to the gym and eating right. Needless to say I am going to miss my candy at four in the morngin. And my slurpees. *sob* But I need to do this. Just three months. Three months and I should be good. Ha! Then the holidays. Oi.
I gave myself bangs.
Still not sure if they look good or not.
Only time will tell.
Wow this has been about nothing.
The End.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Scratch Where It Itches?
I guess that's good advice. Like that quote too.
Anywho...nothing much to write about so I guess I'll just write everything. That totaly makes sense! Really a lot of sense..no no it doesn't.
I love those cookies with the thumbprint in the center and chocolate hershey kiss looking thing that is in it. Idk what they're called I just know I like them.
I spent an hour looking for my journal. Then I realized I'd stuck it under the mattress. Oops. Yeah.
I've been very bad at keeping up with this.
Anyway. Went for a walk. Loved it. Wish I could stay out longer but at night is when creeps come out. Ha! Nah, I get freaked when I see shadows lurking and since I had my earphones blasting I wouldn't have heard anyone coming up behind me. See? I would so be one of the first to go in a horror film. One of those TSTL characters you just love to scream at: "Look out behind you!"
Haha. Hmm
The End.
Anywho...nothing much to write about so I guess I'll just write everything. That totaly makes sense! Really a lot of sense..no no it doesn't.
I love those cookies with the thumbprint in the center and chocolate hershey kiss looking thing that is in it. Idk what they're called I just know I like them.
I spent an hour looking for my journal. Then I realized I'd stuck it under the mattress. Oops. Yeah.
I've been very bad at keeping up with this.
Anyway. Went for a walk. Loved it. Wish I could stay out longer but at night is when creeps come out. Ha! Nah, I get freaked when I see shadows lurking and since I had my earphones blasting I wouldn't have heard anyone coming up behind me. See? I would so be one of the first to go in a horror film. One of those TSTL characters you just love to scream at: "Look out behind you!"
Haha. Hmm
The End.
Extraordinary
I’m ready now.
Was I before? No. Not really. For more reasons than I care to explain in this.
I’m ready to be extraordinary.
To be me.
To be.
Am I going to explain that? Ha. Nope.
See, that’s the beauty of this realization…this thing that just hit me.
Crap will happen and it’s going to happen constantly in my life. I can’t control it any more than I can choose what days it should rain or shine. Though I’d like to do that very much. So I either accept it, or dwell in the insanity and lose any feeling of joy I’ve managed to acquire.
And also…that I don’t have to explain a damn thing to nobody.
I painted my wall red.
Yeah, that’s right. I hailed a cab an hour ago and went to the 24hr Wal-Mart to buy some red paint. Then I stripped down to my underwear, put on some music, and painted one of my living room walls red.
It’s like my defiant “Ha. Take that!”
Why’d I do it?
Because I can.
Heck, what kind of question is that? The real question should be: Why not?
Why not paint a wall red? It’s not permanent.
Why not eat an entire box of teddy grahams in your underwear, to the sound of Incubus blaring in the background, with the giant glass of milk?
Why not stand in the middle of the street and scream?
Why not splurge and go see a movie by yourself and laugh at all the wrong things?
Why not get the giggles at the worst times?
Why not wake up your kids in the middle of the night for milkshakes?
Why not ?
Why not? Why not? Why not?
Life is too short to be lived by too many rules. So what if it means people think you’re crazy? It’s your life not theirs. They can be stuffy and act their age if that’s what pleases them. I’d rather act the way I feel. It makes me smile more. And smiling is key.
What is that saying? ….. Live, Love, Laugh?
Durr. Whoever said it got it so right. Also, don’t forget to sing, dance and whistle.
If you can.
I can’t.
But I try.
Rawr.
LOL.
I can’t change the way I am and I’m tired of trying. Living up to everyone’s expectations of me is just too much to keep track of. Therefore I’ve made up my mind to just not. I will be as random as I please. I will do whatever I want, when I want to.
I’m responsible. I’m a good mother. I’m not going to be a complete moron and get myself arrested. There is a line between being yourself and being stupid and I’m well aware of it.
I had my fun in that sense of the word and got it all out of my system.
Besides, I don’t see any fun in having the cops chase you around at all hours of the night.
Yeah. Not that I would know….
But I’m no longer going to be afraid of letting myself come out and play. In a manner of speaking.
Guess what happened when I made that decision?
My muses returned. I smiled and cried. I felt a little nauseous from all the little bears in my belly.
And then I got on my laptop and started writing this. Ha.
Despite yesterday’s events and today’s comment that was tied to it, I am in a fantastic mood.
E will get what he gets when he gets it. Whether it’s Karma or God that gives it to him…I really don’t care. Sometimes all you need to do, or should do, is just shake your head and move on. And so I shall.
*steps off soapbox*
Alright, now that I’m awake (as if I went to sleep very long) I may as well stay that way. If I go to sleep now, I’ll just be way more tired than I already am. I only got half hour anyway, before my butt has to get walking to work. Grr walking. Not in the mood for it right now but it cannot be helped.
At least there’s a 7-11 on the way.
I could so go for a slurpee.
Then again when can I not?
Sugar is my downfall. I should stop. Or join some sort of support group. Do they even have those? Hello my name is ________and sugar speaks to me in at least ten different languages.
Now that would make for an interesting icebreaker!
I just realized that I like the Enter key a little too much. Hmm.
See? There it goes again…
The End
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Still Learning
Oh I'm so excited about this song! I really like it and can't believe it's been years since I've heard it. Shame.
Today I woke up with a smile. Can't stop smiling these days. It can't be normal. LOL. But I don't care. I'm so very happy with my life right now. Yeah so I'm not perfect and things go awry at times...but it's good. :)
I'm at work not working right now. Oh but don't worry...it will get busy very soon and then I'll be wishing I could sit down for just five minutes perty please but it won't happen. So I'm enjoying these peaceful moments.
Wanna hear an EW EW EW something something?
No? Too bad.
Well, there's this lady here. We call her brownie. Um no that's not a pet name. Yeah...ok so it's sort of mean but I didn't come up with the name! It's because she poops a lot and likes to...play with it. Yeah. Gross. So of course they usually put her on my list of patients (of course) and I have one heck of a time scraping that crap (literally!) out from under her fingernails every morning.
I don't know why she likes to play with it. I try not to ask questions to which nobody knows the answer to. LOL.
Another one we like to call 'sugar' is so cute. She has a sweet tooth just like me and pretty much refuses any food unless it's dessert. So it's a pain in the booty to get her to eat. I've learned this trick though...if you let her taste the dessert first, she'll open her mouth for more. That's when you give her a spoonful of food instead. I guess that sounds cruel but it's the only way she'll eat! Hmm.
I hope nice ppl take care of me if when I get old I need this much help.
I'm so hungry but if I eat now I'll throw my whole schedule off and end up eating four times LOL. Which I wouldn't mind except there is no such thing as fourth meal. I don't care what Taco Hell says.
Speaking of fast food, I have not had Portillos in like forever.
I so want some!
Speaking of movies...oh we weren't? Hmm.
Well, we are now.
I really, really, really wanna go see Priest!
I have my hair in a ponytail.
Yeah it's a ponytail kind of day.
I wanted to do braids but I didn't have any time. I spent most of my usual 'getting ready half hour' looking for my keys. Of course they were right where I left them last night. Next to my shoes. Which I also couldn't find for some reason. And yeah, I put both together so I WOULDN'T lose them. Go figure.
Shall I write more later?
Perhaps.
The End.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Smiling (2)
I am back!! Wow I actually got back on here and am going to write some more.
But about what? Meh. Who cares?
That's the beauty of this place. I can write anything I damn well please.
Love it!
Actually I need to vent. Vent about my dad. Whom I love very very much but is starting to aggravate me.
After having a partial lymphectomy (ugh spell check anyone?) and needing a feeding tube that he bitched about for three months...he is back to smoking. The very thing that gave him the cancer. WTF??!!
I didn't mind caring for him. My sister and I love him and of course we would do it again but it's like...come on! You know? Why would you do that? If the cancer returns they are going to have to remove the rest of his voicebox.
Or he'll die.
And at 67 he doesn't need to be trying to cheat death.
And that is my piece. I'm done venting.
The End.
But about what? Meh. Who cares?
That's the beauty of this place. I can write anything I damn well please.
Love it!
Actually I need to vent. Vent about my dad. Whom I love very very much but is starting to aggravate me.
After having a partial lymphectomy (ugh spell check anyone?) and needing a feeding tube that he bitched about for three months...he is back to smoking. The very thing that gave him the cancer. WTF??!!
I didn't mind caring for him. My sister and I love him and of course we would do it again but it's like...come on! You know? Why would you do that? If the cancer returns they are going to have to remove the rest of his voicebox.
Or he'll die.
And at 67 he doesn't need to be trying to cheat death.
And that is my piece. I'm done venting.
The End.
Smiling
Cute song. Sappy too. I love it.
It's such a beautiful day today. Clouds were out earlier but the sky has cleared up nicely and I get off at 2 so I'll get to enjoy some of that sunshine :) Hooray!
Can't stop smiling today. Seriously. I try to but the corners of my mouth keep kicking up. It must be contagious cuz ppl around here are smiling like loonies too. Hee hee.
Got several emails from a friend yesterday and today. So good to hear from him and know he's doing well. Thank goodness for technology eh? LOL.
Oh I saw the most beautiful little house yesterday. I had visions of a garden, some wildflowers growing everywhere, a hammock where I can swing and sip iced tea. Maybe an office where I can line the walls with shelves for all my books. :) Wishful thinking for now but someday..Someday I will have all that.
And more.
I wrote several poems last night before going to sleep. I'll probably post them up soon. Except one. That one is for my eyes only. It's rather personal.
Haha I know. Me private? I have no shame and this is private? Yes.
I'll try to write more later....Try to.
The End.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Perfect
I know why this song is on my mind. It's because things going on in my family is on my mind. Particularly in my brother's life. This song is pretty perfect. No pun intended.
I've had to take over his brood for awhile. I'm their legal guardian. (my nieces and nephew) Aside from my brother and his ex girlfriend. Last week...Easter weekendish...I got a call from the babysitter. She knows I'm one of the contacts and since she couldn't get ahold of my brother she called me. There were suspicious bruises on my nephew's back and arm. Not the usual ones...he has a crooked spine so of course he has therapy and sometimes he bruises. These were different. So I told her if they looked that serious to take him to the ER. I met her there and of course since it involved a minor, social services came into the whole situation. Plus, it's happened before. Well, we could never prove it and we still don't know. But when my eldest niece was little she wound up in the ER for some suspicous marks. They wanted to take my luvs. I was freaking out. I couldn't imagine them being stuck in foster homes. I mean, I have a place and I'm their guardian so they said it was fine. I'm middle ground.
Long story short, the doc gave Jr and the rest of them stickers and suckers. I left with all of them. My brother and his ex have a court date (custody battle) on the 16th. So I have them until then. It's been interesting so far. Definitely hectic.
I give major kudos to parents w/more than one child. MAD KUDOS!
My eldest niece broke my heart today. She said: "You smile a lot. My mommy smiles a lot when she's drunk. Are you drunk?"
*heart cracks*
The fact that she knows what drunk is and that her mom only smiles when she's inebriated...damn.
And then she said: "I'm going to live with my grandma cuz my mommy says she doesn't want me anymore. I'm too loud. She says my grandma wants me."
*heart shatters*
If that judge gives that woman custody I will....I will do something bad.
No way in hell should they go with her. What kind of a mother says that to her child?
I've been smothering them with major love. My middle niece is so adorable. Squeezahuggably so. :)
My brother sees them daily. I've never seen him so broken.
I keep telling him this is just a roadblock...not a mountain. We'll get through this. He will be ok. So will they.
The End.
I've had to take over his brood for awhile. I'm their legal guardian. (my nieces and nephew) Aside from my brother and his ex girlfriend. Last week...Easter weekendish...I got a call from the babysitter. She knows I'm one of the contacts and since she couldn't get ahold of my brother she called me. There were suspicious bruises on my nephew's back and arm. Not the usual ones...he has a crooked spine so of course he has therapy and sometimes he bruises. These were different. So I told her if they looked that serious to take him to the ER. I met her there and of course since it involved a minor, social services came into the whole situation. Plus, it's happened before. Well, we could never prove it and we still don't know. But when my eldest niece was little she wound up in the ER for some suspicous marks. They wanted to take my luvs. I was freaking out. I couldn't imagine them being stuck in foster homes. I mean, I have a place and I'm their guardian so they said it was fine. I'm middle ground.
Long story short, the doc gave Jr and the rest of them stickers and suckers. I left with all of them. My brother and his ex have a court date (custody battle) on the 16th. So I have them until then. It's been interesting so far. Definitely hectic.
I give major kudos to parents w/more than one child. MAD KUDOS!
My eldest niece broke my heart today. She said: "You smile a lot. My mommy smiles a lot when she's drunk. Are you drunk?"
*heart cracks*
The fact that she knows what drunk is and that her mom only smiles when she's inebriated...damn.
And then she said: "I'm going to live with my grandma cuz my mommy says she doesn't want me anymore. I'm too loud. She says my grandma wants me."
*heart shatters*
If that judge gives that woman custody I will....I will do something bad.
No way in hell should they go with her. What kind of a mother says that to her child?
I've been smothering them with major love. My middle niece is so adorable. Squeezahuggably so. :)
My brother sees them daily. I've never seen him so broken.
I keep telling him this is just a roadblock...not a mountain. We'll get through this. He will be ok. So will they.
The End.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sooo
So yeah. Not sure why this song was playing when I woke up but it was. So here it is. Enjoy.
Yesterday was a good day. Today will be even better.
If I get my laptop today I shall write more. :D
Monday, April 25, 2011
Follow Me
Can't get this tune out of my head. LOL. I've been singing it all day, much to my family's dismay.
I didn't sleep at all last night so there was no morning wake up song.
Therefore I put this up. :)
I love the tune of this song as well as the way he flows the lyrics together.
I really don't have much to say today. I mean I DO have a lot to say but nothing that is relevant to the title of this post. Honestly I just stuck the name of the song in there LOL.
I shall write more later....
I didn't sleep at all last night so there was no morning wake up song.
Therefore I put this up. :)
I love the tune of this song as well as the way he flows the lyrics together.
I really don't have much to say today. I mean I DO have a lot to say but nothing that is relevant to the title of this post. Honestly I just stuck the name of the song in there LOL.
I shall write more later....
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter Song
Not the song I woke up with but one I sang last Easter at church. And since it's that day again, I figured it would be appropriate.
It's a beautiful song about the crucifixion from the POV of a little girl. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes. I guess I should have posted it on Good Friday but yeah....
It's a beautiful song about the crucifixion from the POV of a little girl. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes. I guess I should have posted it on Good Friday but yeah....
Saturday, April 23, 2011
It's Alright
The lyrics are perfect.
It's alright. Sometimes you gotta lose 'till you win.
I've lost enough times in my life. Ready for some winning.
What is life without happiness? In some form or another? Not much of one.
Things that make me happy? Hmm...My chickadee for one.
Writing. Reading. Bubble Baths. Sardines. Lilies. Family time. Movies. Cherries.
Oh! Sushi! I LOVE SEAFOOD! Oh my gosh. It's unhealthy how much I love it. LOL!
The first page of a new notebook.
New pens!! Monkeys. Penguins. Horses. Cats. Gummi Bears.
Dove chocolate. Sugar dipped strawberries. Strawberry milk. Mmm...
Slipping on my snuggie straight from the dryer.
Sliding in my socks. Singing and wiggling my butt in the shower. Prank phone calls.
Tweetering. Red light bulbs. The sound of water. The scent left after it rains. (makes me feel like purring)
Cleaning my ears with a Q-Tip. Laughing because I remember something funny from like five days ago.
The smell of pinesol. LOL. Pop rocks.
PICKLES! Not just any kind...the Claussen garlic ones in the fridge deli section.
Elote with the works. The smell of armor all. The smell of the Home Depot's lumber section. MMMMmmm.
Driving on backroads at night. Painting my nails.
Waxing. Haha just kidding. I do not enjoy that.
Colored contacts. Talking to strangers. Traveling. Chinese jump rope.
Oh...the list could go on. But this is already long enough.
The End.
It's alright. Sometimes you gotta lose 'till you win.
I've lost enough times in my life. Ready for some winning.
What is life without happiness? In some form or another? Not much of one.
Things that make me happy? Hmm...My chickadee for one.
Writing. Reading. Bubble Baths. Sardines. Lilies. Family time. Movies. Cherries.
Oh! Sushi! I LOVE SEAFOOD! Oh my gosh. It's unhealthy how much I love it. LOL!
The first page of a new notebook.
New pens!! Monkeys. Penguins. Horses. Cats. Gummi Bears.
Dove chocolate. Sugar dipped strawberries. Strawberry milk. Mmm...
Slipping on my snuggie straight from the dryer.
Sliding in my socks. Singing and wiggling my butt in the shower. Prank phone calls.
Tweetering. Red light bulbs. The sound of water. The scent left after it rains. (makes me feel like purring)
Cleaning my ears with a Q-Tip. Laughing because I remember something funny from like five days ago.
The smell of pinesol. LOL. Pop rocks.
PICKLES! Not just any kind...the Claussen garlic ones in the fridge deli section.
Elote with the works. The smell of armor all. The smell of the Home Depot's lumber section. MMMMmmm.
Driving on backroads at night. Painting my nails.
Waxing. Haha just kidding. I do not enjoy that.
Colored contacts. Talking to strangers. Traveling. Chinese jump rope.
Oh...the list could go on. But this is already long enough.
The End.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Bliss
Her voice is pretty cool sounding :)
I finished one thing that I was supposed to do this week but unfortunately my paper still sits there unwritten. Dern. I really need to get to it! I want to finish it by tonight! But I probably won't. Grr...
Let's talk about bliss.
My bliss? Unwraveling into a bath at the end of a long day.
Sometimes I unwravel before it starts. Just to get ahead hee hee.
With gummi bears and a bowl of cherries. Oh! Yes!
I finished one thing that I was supposed to do this week but unfortunately my paper still sits there unwritten. Dern. I really need to get to it! I want to finish it by tonight! But I probably won't. Grr...
Let's talk about bliss.
My bliss? Unwraveling into a bath at the end of a long day.
Sometimes I unwravel before it starts. Just to get ahead hee hee.
With gummi bears and a bowl of cherries. Oh! Yes!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Breathe
Today's song:
Sometimes I have to pause and breathe. Pausing is harder than breathing. Or maybe it's the other way around. Yeah definitely the other way around. Pausing is simple. Just stop what I'm doing. But breathing...that can be difficult. Every breath...the in and out motion...means moving forward. Moving on. Living. Not that living is something I want to stop doing--it's just hard when you know you'll never get what you want.
I might be crazy and insanely perky most of the time, but there are things I know I won't get in life and sometimes it bugs me. Saying 'oh well' doesn't always work. Lol. Though it's one of my favorite expressions.
On a different subject, I have a lot to do today. Stuff I should be doing right now instead of just blogging about it. Heh heh heh. I am the queen of procrastination. I don't want to write that medical paper. Ugh. I really don't care about the rise and falls of the healthcare system at the moment. And I have to write five pages on it. Super frowny.
Is it already two?! BAH! How come time flies when you are fooling around but when it should go fast--it takes forever?
The End.
Sometimes I have to pause and breathe. Pausing is harder than breathing. Or maybe it's the other way around. Yeah definitely the other way around. Pausing is simple. Just stop what I'm doing. But breathing...that can be difficult. Every breath...the in and out motion...means moving forward. Moving on. Living. Not that living is something I want to stop doing--it's just hard when you know you'll never get what you want.
I might be crazy and insanely perky most of the time, but there are things I know I won't get in life and sometimes it bugs me. Saying 'oh well' doesn't always work. Lol. Though it's one of my favorite expressions.
On a different subject, I have a lot to do today. Stuff I should be doing right now instead of just blogging about it. Heh heh heh. I am the queen of procrastination. I don't want to write that medical paper. Ugh. I really don't care about the rise and falls of the healthcare system at the moment. And I have to write five pages on it. Super frowny.
Is it already two?! BAH! How come time flies when you are fooling around but when it should go fast--it takes forever?
The End.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
What The Hell
Maybe it's cuz I'm extremely tired today but this is my mood at the moment. Not complaining...it's more like I don't give a flying fish about anything at the moment. I kinda feel like piercing my eyebrow and walking around in nothing but cowboy boots and a tiara. Yes. That is my mood.
No, I probably won't do it, but it's a nice thought. Brings a smile to my face. Heh heh heh.
No, I probably won't do it, but it's a nice thought. Brings a smile to my face. Heh heh heh.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Mmm
Ok it was a toss up between this and Alanis Morissettes Hand in my Pocket.
Toby Kieth totally won.
This is my song :D
Yeah...cuz whiskey is my drink of choice. Lol.
Today I'm being productive. Work was great. Went by fast. And besides getting absolutely NO fb updates on my phone, it's been a good day so far. Right now I'm trying to figure out a plan for May. I got some down. Need some more.
I'll prob post more later today. Gotta get some stuff done.
Ha ok so maybe I won't get that much done. Grr.
I think I'm going to hell.
Not explaining that.
I cried for no reason today. Went to the park with Sarah and then sat on the swings while the kids played Red Rover. (I really didn't think kids still played that! Sweet!) and then just started crying. No not psychopath kind just misty eyed sniffle type kind. Yeah. Idk what's wrong with me.
Been thinking a lot.
Bad bad bad thing.
Oi.
The End.
Toby Kieth totally won.
This is my song :D
Yeah...cuz whiskey is my drink of choice. Lol.
Today I'm being productive. Work was great. Went by fast. And besides getting absolutely NO fb updates on my phone, it's been a good day so far. Right now I'm trying to figure out a plan for May. I got some down. Need some more.
I'll prob post more later today. Gotta get some stuff done.
Ha ok so maybe I won't get that much done. Grr.
I think I'm going to hell.
Not explaining that.
I cried for no reason today. Went to the park with Sarah and then sat on the swings while the kids played Red Rover. (I really didn't think kids still played that! Sweet!) and then just started crying. No not psychopath kind just misty eyed sniffle type kind. Yeah. Idk what's wrong with me.
Been thinking a lot.
Bad bad bad thing.
Oi.
The End.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Squee!
Yeah, it's a squee kind of day :D
I so want to go see POD again. It's been forever since I've seen them perform live. I think it was at the Riviera. Boom is one of my favorites from them, among several others. Their Brown cd is still alive and well in my room. Lol. It's autographed.
I'm amazed at how much energy I had today. Oh ugh these sniffles made me vomit this morning. Gross.
But I think it's finally going away. Woohoo!
This is really hard to write from my sisters phone so I'm making it short.
The End.
I so want to go see POD again. It's been forever since I've seen them perform live. I think it was at the Riviera. Boom is one of my favorites from them, among several others. Their Brown cd is still alive and well in my room. Lol. It's autographed.
I'm amazed at how much energy I had today. Oh ugh these sniffles made me vomit this morning. Gross.
But I think it's finally going away. Woohoo!
This is really hard to write from my sisters phone so I'm making it short.
The End.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Just Me
How convenient. I swear when I woke up I thought the radio was playing cuz this song was so loud. It wasn't. I think my brain just had its volume up too high. Lol.
You know, I think ppl who stop by this blog may think I need psychiatric help.
Perhaps they're right.
Yesterday night was fun. Played some games and made my salsa of death. Haven't made that in ages. It's all gone too. My sister is going to be suffering today heh heh heh.
Grilled with the family. Yes, I love grilling. :) LOVE IT!
I think I've said it before. What if I were different? It seems that bitches get away with more and seem to get ahead faster than nice people. But I don't want to be a bitch. I like the way I am.
Like this song says. I was born this way.
Why change?
So a friend of mine has crossed the line. He's been dancing on the edge for some time but I can usually dissuade him or change the subject before it goes to far. Not today.
He not only showed up at my place..he brought his two girls with him. Did he think that would have a part in my decision? Um..I love his girls. They are beautiful and smart and funny. But that doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind just because of them.
He wants to go out. Hook up. Whatever they call it now. Date.
I guess he got tired of beating around the bush and finally asked me.
I said no. I'm not in the mood for dating. I'm not in a place for dating. And he's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking for a wife. I know this, he knows this. And I am not looking to be anyones wife at the moment. If ever.
Well...let's just say it would take some convincing. From someone pretty incredible. But for now nope.
Even if I did want to date him, what if it didn't work? That would ruin the friendship.
I know what he feels though. It's lonely sometimes. He deserves to find a woman who loves him and his daughters completely. I am not that woman. Nor will I ever be. That's what I told him. In his mind, I'm the one because we get along so well. I get along with almost everyone. He's got his feelings confused. Poor guy. Now things are awkward. I hope it fades. I like hanging out with him. Unfortunately, now I'm going to have to be careful with how much we hang out, lest he get the wrong idea. Sigh.
I called R and explained what happened. She was not so supportive. Lol. Ok she was in her own way but she's another one of those people who keep pushing me off on guys. It's alright. I know she means well.
The End.
You know, I think ppl who stop by this blog may think I need psychiatric help.
Perhaps they're right.
Yesterday night was fun. Played some games and made my salsa of death. Haven't made that in ages. It's all gone too. My sister is going to be suffering today heh heh heh.
Grilled with the family. Yes, I love grilling. :) LOVE IT!
I think I've said it before. What if I were different? It seems that bitches get away with more and seem to get ahead faster than nice people. But I don't want to be a bitch. I like the way I am.
Like this song says. I was born this way.
Why change?
So a friend of mine has crossed the line. He's been dancing on the edge for some time but I can usually dissuade him or change the subject before it goes to far. Not today.
He not only showed up at my place..he brought his two girls with him. Did he think that would have a part in my decision? Um..I love his girls. They are beautiful and smart and funny. But that doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind just because of them.
He wants to go out. Hook up. Whatever they call it now. Date.
I guess he got tired of beating around the bush and finally asked me.
I said no. I'm not in the mood for dating. I'm not in a place for dating. And he's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking for a wife. I know this, he knows this. And I am not looking to be anyones wife at the moment. If ever.
Well...let's just say it would take some convincing. From someone pretty incredible. But for now nope.
Even if I did want to date him, what if it didn't work? That would ruin the friendship.
I know what he feels though. It's lonely sometimes. He deserves to find a woman who loves him and his daughters completely. I am not that woman. Nor will I ever be. That's what I told him. In his mind, I'm the one because we get along so well. I get along with almost everyone. He's got his feelings confused. Poor guy. Now things are awkward. I hope it fades. I like hanging out with him. Unfortunately, now I'm going to have to be careful with how much we hang out, lest he get the wrong idea. Sigh.
I called R and explained what happened. She was not so supportive. Lol. Ok she was in her own way but she's another one of those people who keep pushing me off on guys. It's alright. I know she means well.
The End.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
You Learn
You live, you learn. Isn't that the way it goes? It would be nice to learn first and then live but then again...where would the fun in that be?
What have I learned so far in life? Hmm...let me count them.
I've learned that everyone lies. Sometimes even to themselves. I am one of these people. I lie daily. Not on purpose, not always, but I do. That includes myself. But that one is necessary. Bills come and I tell myself it will be fine. Family problems happen and I tell myself it will be fine. Lol. See? Neccessary.
I've also learned my life will always be full of disasters.
Take today:
I woke up with the sniffles. Full on boogers and sore throat. Dern. My cats wreaked havoc on the trash overnight and so there was crap everywhere. The hot water was being repaired in my apt so I took a cold shower (which I needed anyway heh heh) and I realized that not only didI not have any gas in my car has a flat tire (TODAY!) and I dip into the savings I don't have to fix it. Then I went and got myself an ice cream cone at the tastee freeze. Why? Cuz I survived. Survival is key.
Another thing I've learned in life is that blood is thicker than water.
Never realized how true that is. I've always said that I love my family no matter what. But my oh my how that has been tested in the past couple years. My mother, running off to Peru to marry some guy she met online while leaving me, at twenty, to care for my siblings as well as a family of my own. Cuz it was ok? My sister and her deceitful ways... My uncle nearly running me off the road. Ok wait. Him I do NOT forgive. There is no excuse for what he did to my sister and I. Or what he threatened to do. Forgiveness is not going to happen. I don't care if that makes me a bad person. Nobody should have to live in fear of a family member.
He's not even my real uncle. So blood is definitely thicker than water.
I love my family and all their psychotic ways. Lol.
I've learned that some of the people who claimed to be faithful and loving because they represent God, are not. Shunned is what I was. And looked at as if I had leprosy, not a child growing inside of me.
I've learned that regardless of all the shit that has happened to me...there are things worth living for. There are good people left in this world. Ones who truly care and want to see you excell. Ones who don't care if you are who you are. In fact they encourage it.
I've learned how to laugh again. To smile again. Found my inner glow again. I thought it had been snuffed out permanently. Scars don't heal completely sometimes but maybe that's a good thing. Cuz they remind me of what I've survived. Remind me I am a strong person.
Sometimes I need reminding.
The End.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Dreaming
Yes another post in the same day. Took a nap and woke up feeling melancholy. Oh it happens. Hasn't for a good while though. Of course, it could have something to do with the some that kept playing in my dream. Or the dream itself. Or both.
It was a very sweet dream. Sweet and racy. Aren't those always the best?
Sweet because it was like we were there and it was ok. A bit sad cuz we knew it would end sooner than later but..yeah. Racy becaues well...oh please. Like it's hard to imagine.
La veritas? Nu pue est jun.
How sad it is.
Let's not dwell.
Today is friday and so it is a good day, no?
Por unos, si. Pero para mi los dias se sienten the same. Not sure why, pienso que es porque I don't do much that is that different. Like, ayer fue almost el mismo que hoy. I need algo nuevo to do. I really do.
But I already have so much on my plate right now.
That was a random rush of spanglish. Sometimes I gotta watch that. I'll start a sentence in english and switch to spanish. Or I'll add in a random romanian word lol. Then ppl stare. To me it all translates the same though. Sometimes it takes me awhile to realize that ppl are talking to me in spanish and not english. Ha!
Got to watch one of my fave shows today :) WWYD? is excellent. I can't wait till next Friday. Haha.
You know I was thinking about my friend who decided to just up and leave. Ok so maybe there was more to it than that. Lol. I just feel a little miffed at how sudden it was.
Well, he called and made my day. I love phone calls. Especially when they're unexpected and from someone I care about. So that was very cool. We couldn't talk long cuz of the bill. Yikes. I don't even want to think about how much an hour conversation would cost. I'm not even sure where he was calling from. His flight was good. He's getting settled with the wifey. (She sucks) Getting ready to teach starting in May. I'm happy for him. I miss him but he really sounds like that is where he's meant to be. I've never heard him so overjoyed. But man am I missing him.
He always tolerated, if not understood, me. Like ME me, not just the one I try to hold back sometimes. I could show up at his house no matter what the time and he'd wake up to talk. Much to his wife's dismay. I tried not to abuse that privilege too much once he got married.
Funny how as teenagers we hated each other. Friends as toddlers, enemies throughout puberty. Oh the horrible things we'd say and do to each other. Lol. Then he dated my bff and she broke his heart. For some reason that brought us closer. Haha. Nothing like bashing someone after a breakup eh? Then we were inseperable. I even went as far as flying out to his Army base to visit him. I spent a week hiding in his room (civilians aren't allowed) and just hanging.
Our friends always assumed we liked each other. Like liked.
Unfortunately if we would ever have married, one of us would have died.
No scratch that. He would have died.
While we get along like nothing else, we butt heads just as much.
Now once again we are forced to correspond via snail mail and email.
The End.
It was a very sweet dream. Sweet and racy. Aren't those always the best?
Sweet because it was like we were there and it was ok. A bit sad cuz we knew it would end sooner than later but..yeah. Racy becaues well...oh please. Like it's hard to imagine.
La veritas? Nu pue est jun.
How sad it is.
Let's not dwell.
Today is friday and so it is a good day, no?
Por unos, si. Pero para mi los dias se sienten the same. Not sure why, pienso que es porque I don't do much that is that different. Like, ayer fue almost el mismo que hoy. I need algo nuevo to do. I really do.
But I already have so much on my plate right now.
That was a random rush of spanglish. Sometimes I gotta watch that. I'll start a sentence in english and switch to spanish. Or I'll add in a random romanian word lol. Then ppl stare. To me it all translates the same though. Sometimes it takes me awhile to realize that ppl are talking to me in spanish and not english. Ha!
Got to watch one of my fave shows today :) WWYD? is excellent. I can't wait till next Friday. Haha.
You know I was thinking about my friend who decided to just up and leave. Ok so maybe there was more to it than that. Lol. I just feel a little miffed at how sudden it was.
Well, he called and made my day. I love phone calls. Especially when they're unexpected and from someone I care about. So that was very cool. We couldn't talk long cuz of the bill. Yikes. I don't even want to think about how much an hour conversation would cost. I'm not even sure where he was calling from. His flight was good. He's getting settled with the wifey. (She sucks) Getting ready to teach starting in May. I'm happy for him. I miss him but he really sounds like that is where he's meant to be. I've never heard him so overjoyed. But man am I missing him.
He always tolerated, if not understood, me. Like ME me, not just the one I try to hold back sometimes. I could show up at his house no matter what the time and he'd wake up to talk. Much to his wife's dismay. I tried not to abuse that privilege too much once he got married.
Funny how as teenagers we hated each other. Friends as toddlers, enemies throughout puberty. Oh the horrible things we'd say and do to each other. Lol. Then he dated my bff and she broke his heart. For some reason that brought us closer. Haha. Nothing like bashing someone after a breakup eh? Then we were inseperable. I even went as far as flying out to his Army base to visit him. I spent a week hiding in his room (civilians aren't allowed) and just hanging.
Our friends always assumed we liked each other. Like liked.
Unfortunately if we would ever have married, one of us would have died.
No scratch that. He would have died.
While we get along like nothing else, we butt heads just as much.
Now once again we are forced to correspond via snail mail and email.
The End.
Messy
This song always makes me laugh. It seems like the type of thing a guy would say to a girl and not the other way around but that's why I love it so much.
Oh what a lazy day today feels like. I'm now at the library trying to get as much done online as I can. Since my laptop will be MIA for at least another month. Super frowny face.
I was hoping it would be ready by this weekend but unfortunately that's just the way my luck goes.
Nothing ever has been, is or ever will be easy for me. Story of my life.
There's this old woman who is always at the library. She's stiting in the cubicle beside me right now and humming what I think is CeeLo lol. She's cute. I always feel bad for her because I know she's a bit nuts and homeless. Oh man. This winter was brutal too. I came here a few times a week and drove her to the shelter cuz...well I have a car, I had the time, and so why not? Why should I let her walk or wait in that awful weather for a bus that sometimes doesn't come. (the city really needs to get on that) That would be so bitchy if I did that. And well, much as I tried for awhile (seriously) I just can't be bitchy. Except once a month. Lol. So stay away during that time. Haha!
Yeah so that's a good deed of mine for the witner. Still gotta find one for spring. Summer is the soup kitchen. Oh man that's gonna suck. It always gets so hot in there! At least I don't have to cook. Hee.
Enough about do goody things.
As for the title of this post. Life is messy. I've come to realize that those messes are what makes life though. So my mess at the moment? Uh, trying to gather the nerve to tell my mother about my big D. Ugh.
Oh that's not going to be pretty. Much as I love my mother, and I do--she is one of my closest confidants--there are some things she's a bit edgy about. Which is dumb in my opinion because she herself has been divorced. So what the hell?
Hm. I guess in her mind it was ok because she was forced into the whole marriage thing. Oh man. I wonder what her reaction is going to be when I explain...things.
I probably won't. Not as much. She's a little...naive. Kinda like an overgrown child. Ok that sounds mean but she's not the brightest bulb. I am not ashamed of her. I'm proud of both my parents. My mother never graduated highschool because she got pregnant with me and then she married another guy. Whom I consider my father on all accounts. My biological father was never around. So in my mind he doesn't really count.
I think my dad has an idea that I'm not his. My mother never told him. She didn't even tell me until I turned twelve. But it's painfully obvious...the differences between us. He never went past eight grade. But they made it. And raised us the best they could. So how could I not be proud of them?
But yeah my mom is a little naive. She knows so little about the world. Sometimes it was me protecting her when I was growing up. Defending her when my friends or other adults made fun. Grrr. So that's why I might keep some things from her. Why ruin her view of everything? I survived. No harm done. Well, not anymore.
Well. We'll see how this whole mess plays out by next week.
The End.
Oh what a lazy day today feels like. I'm now at the library trying to get as much done online as I can. Since my laptop will be MIA for at least another month. Super frowny face.
I was hoping it would be ready by this weekend but unfortunately that's just the way my luck goes.
Nothing ever has been, is or ever will be easy for me. Story of my life.
There's this old woman who is always at the library. She's stiting in the cubicle beside me right now and humming what I think is CeeLo lol. She's cute. I always feel bad for her because I know she's a bit nuts and homeless. Oh man. This winter was brutal too. I came here a few times a week and drove her to the shelter cuz...well I have a car, I had the time, and so why not? Why should I let her walk or wait in that awful weather for a bus that sometimes doesn't come. (the city really needs to get on that) That would be so bitchy if I did that. And well, much as I tried for awhile (seriously) I just can't be bitchy. Except once a month. Lol. So stay away during that time. Haha!
Yeah so that's a good deed of mine for the witner. Still gotta find one for spring. Summer is the soup kitchen. Oh man that's gonna suck. It always gets so hot in there! At least I don't have to cook. Hee.
Enough about do goody things.
As for the title of this post. Life is messy. I've come to realize that those messes are what makes life though. So my mess at the moment? Uh, trying to gather the nerve to tell my mother about my big D. Ugh.
Oh that's not going to be pretty. Much as I love my mother, and I do--she is one of my closest confidants--there are some things she's a bit edgy about. Which is dumb in my opinion because she herself has been divorced. So what the hell?
Hm. I guess in her mind it was ok because she was forced into the whole marriage thing. Oh man. I wonder what her reaction is going to be when I explain...things.
I probably won't. Not as much. She's a little...naive. Kinda like an overgrown child. Ok that sounds mean but she's not the brightest bulb. I am not ashamed of her. I'm proud of both my parents. My mother never graduated highschool because she got pregnant with me and then she married another guy. Whom I consider my father on all accounts. My biological father was never around. So in my mind he doesn't really count.
I think my dad has an idea that I'm not his. My mother never told him. She didn't even tell me until I turned twelve. But it's painfully obvious...the differences between us. He never went past eight grade. But they made it. And raised us the best they could. So how could I not be proud of them?
But yeah my mom is a little naive. She knows so little about the world. Sometimes it was me protecting her when I was growing up. Defending her when my friends or other adults made fun. Grrr. So that's why I might keep some things from her. Why ruin her view of everything? I survived. No harm done. Well, not anymore.
Well. We'll see how this whole mess plays out by next week.
The End.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Blank Face
I couldn't find a video for my song this morning. It's from a musical. South Pacific. Doesn't matter lol, it's a wierd one.
Why the blank face? I lost all train of thought for like fifteen minutes. Not sure what happened. Could have been that energy shot I had. Those things are probably not good for me. They probably kill brain cells!
So I was thinking about getting the band back together for a reunion. Now that would be something fun to do! How awesome. We haven't had a jam session in forever. And now that one of us has actual studio privileges, we could make an even better cd than that one we did before. Oh how I miss singing in public!
It's ok. I do my singing everywhere else now.
I really wanna go see Suckerpunch :( Nobody wants to go with me.
My boss asked me a question today. Just a question with no double meaning behind it but it got me thinking.
She asked," Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
Hm. That's a good question.
One I never really thought about. I mean I do, but not to the point where I feel there should be a plan laid out for me to follow or anything like that. I'm more of a 'take it as it comes' type person. I love spurr of the moment type things and when things don't go as planned. Yeah it's a pain in the butt but it makes things interesting.
Geez. Ten years from now? I can say where I HOPE I'll be.
I'd like to be published by then. Perhaps a couple books. I'll be thirty five so I don't think that's too much of a leap. I'd like to have a career. Which is another thing I need to think about. More like rethink. I'm at a crossroads with that one right now and I'm trying to decide whether I should go left or right. A wrong decision could spell disaster. Or at least unhappiness.
Then again if publishing does take off...would I really need that schooling? Ugh. So many questions and decisions.
Oh and ten years from now my chickadee will be sixteen. Holy moly!
Not sure about having a house and all that. That seems like a big step too far away from reach right now. And in all honesty I'd rather just not know yet.
Not sure where that question came from. I guess she gets very 'thinky' as she calls it, when having her morning coffee. I like her.
Apparently some people think it's pretty sad that I've only been with two people in my life. Not that I'm old. I don't think it's sad. I do find it a bit awkward that a lot of teenagers who aren't even sixteen have had more sex partners than I, at twenty five, have. Is it really that easy? It's not for me. I'm...ok not selective. That's an ugly word to use to describe it...more like careful. Two partners. I'm thinking of making it three. Three in a lifetime is a good number. I think. Not anytime soon. It would be a big jump for me if it happened that quickly and I'm not ready. But someday. Nah, not like five years or anything. I'm thinking more of a year from now. Maybe less. Lol. Idk yet. Besides, it's not like it would be easy to do. There would have to be plans.
I suppose I should run tonight. I'm not really feeling up for it. I'm tired but not sleepy. I think I'll bug the world with my tweets. :D Oh yeah. That sounds like fun.
The End.
Why the blank face? I lost all train of thought for like fifteen minutes. Not sure what happened. Could have been that energy shot I had. Those things are probably not good for me. They probably kill brain cells!
So I was thinking about getting the band back together for a reunion. Now that would be something fun to do! How awesome. We haven't had a jam session in forever. And now that one of us has actual studio privileges, we could make an even better cd than that one we did before. Oh how I miss singing in public!
It's ok. I do my singing everywhere else now.
I really wanna go see Suckerpunch :( Nobody wants to go with me.
My boss asked me a question today. Just a question with no double meaning behind it but it got me thinking.
She asked," Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
Hm. That's a good question.
One I never really thought about. I mean I do, but not to the point where I feel there should be a plan laid out for me to follow or anything like that. I'm more of a 'take it as it comes' type person. I love spurr of the moment type things and when things don't go as planned. Yeah it's a pain in the butt but it makes things interesting.
Geez. Ten years from now? I can say where I HOPE I'll be.
I'd like to be published by then. Perhaps a couple books. I'll be thirty five so I don't think that's too much of a leap. I'd like to have a career. Which is another thing I need to think about. More like rethink. I'm at a crossroads with that one right now and I'm trying to decide whether I should go left or right. A wrong decision could spell disaster. Or at least unhappiness.
Then again if publishing does take off...would I really need that schooling? Ugh. So many questions and decisions.
Oh and ten years from now my chickadee will be sixteen. Holy moly!
Not sure about having a house and all that. That seems like a big step too far away from reach right now. And in all honesty I'd rather just not know yet.
Not sure where that question came from. I guess she gets very 'thinky' as she calls it, when having her morning coffee. I like her.
Apparently some people think it's pretty sad that I've only been with two people in my life. Not that I'm old. I don't think it's sad. I do find it a bit awkward that a lot of teenagers who aren't even sixteen have had more sex partners than I, at twenty five, have. Is it really that easy? It's not for me. I'm...ok not selective. That's an ugly word to use to describe it...more like careful. Two partners. I'm thinking of making it three. Three in a lifetime is a good number. I think. Not anytime soon. It would be a big jump for me if it happened that quickly and I'm not ready. But someday. Nah, not like five years or anything. I'm thinking more of a year from now. Maybe less. Lol. Idk yet. Besides, it's not like it would be easy to do. There would have to be plans.
I suppose I should run tonight. I'm not really feeling up for it. I'm tired but not sleepy. I think I'll bug the world with my tweets. :D Oh yeah. That sounds like fun.
The End.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sexy
I feel incredibly sexy today. Not sure why...perhaps this song. LOL. But I do. Even with my nesty hair this morning and though I probably smell like something bad...ok I know I do...here at work, I feel sexy.
I even did my hair and makeup, just to go to work. The old people were very impressed.
*snigger*
It's going to be a very good day. So far so great!
A good hair day is always great. Yay for new shampoo!
I'm very proud of myself! I have been sticking to my diet this entire week. Forcing breakfast down my throat is not fun though. I'm not a big fan of the meal. Or of grapefruit. And the only thing 'special' about Special K is the idiot who decided it could be considered a meal.
Ok I'm a little snappish. I can't help it.
I'm on my break at work and all I had for lunch was a tuna salad sandwich. And a water bottle. Yummy.
I'm looking forward to dinner. Is that wrong? Heh heh heh. Probably.
Working out hasn't been going well. I did once this week. Should probably go again before the weekend. I dance though. Sure it's in my apt and my own moves but I usually sweat a great deal. I still remember my jazz and ballet moves and warm ups. Those get the blood flowing. I signed up for belly dancing classes. They start mid May. Woohoo! Now that's going to be interesting. Maybe I can get R to join with me.
Probably not though.
I feel like going home and laying on my bed naked as the day I was born.
Maybe I will. And maybe take an air bath. Like Ben Franklin. Lol. Yes!
The End.
I even did my hair and makeup, just to go to work. The old people were very impressed.
*snigger*
It's going to be a very good day. So far so great!
A good hair day is always great. Yay for new shampoo!
I'm very proud of myself! I have been sticking to my diet this entire week. Forcing breakfast down my throat is not fun though. I'm not a big fan of the meal. Or of grapefruit. And the only thing 'special' about Special K is the idiot who decided it could be considered a meal.
Ok I'm a little snappish. I can't help it.
I'm on my break at work and all I had for lunch was a tuna salad sandwich. And a water bottle. Yummy.
I'm looking forward to dinner. Is that wrong? Heh heh heh. Probably.
Working out hasn't been going well. I did once this week. Should probably go again before the weekend. I dance though. Sure it's in my apt and my own moves but I usually sweat a great deal. I still remember my jazz and ballet moves and warm ups. Those get the blood flowing. I signed up for belly dancing classes. They start mid May. Woohoo! Now that's going to be interesting. Maybe I can get R to join with me.
Probably not though.
I feel like going home and laying on my bed naked as the day I was born.
Maybe I will. And maybe take an air bath. Like Ben Franklin. Lol. Yes!
The End.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Good-Bye
The music video for the song playing in my head this morning sucks and is a little strange but it's the only thing I could find. Well...right now. Laptop cometh to me soon!
Lol
Ok so today is a sad day. Well, it was a sad night. I said goodbye to a long time best friend. We grew up together. Since five years old we've been trouble. To each other, to others, and just in general. Heh heh. He is one of the few who gets me. Though not always. At least he puts up with me.
And now he is off to be a missionary in another country.
He has major kudos. Major props.
But it still hurts to see him leave. Knowing he won't be around, nearby, to just call and hang with. Oh man.
And this was our song. Lol. We'd blast it from the speakers in his car/truck and just act like complete idiots.
So it figures that this would be today's song.
I don't wanna write more today.
I know it will be a good day overall. It can never be a bad day when there are so many other good things in my life. So yeah...:)
The End.
Lol
Ok so today is a sad day. Well, it was a sad night. I said goodbye to a long time best friend. We grew up together. Since five years old we've been trouble. To each other, to others, and just in general. Heh heh. He is one of the few who gets me. Though not always. At least he puts up with me.
And now he is off to be a missionary in another country.
He has major kudos. Major props.
But it still hurts to see him leave. Knowing he won't be around, nearby, to just call and hang with. Oh man.
And this was our song. Lol. We'd blast it from the speakers in his car/truck and just act like complete idiots.
So it figures that this would be today's song.
I don't wanna write more today.
I know it will be a good day overall. It can never be a bad day when there are so many other good things in my life. So yeah...:)
The End.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Hmmm
Well this is a song I have not heard or sung in the longest time. How incredible that it came to me like this. Wow. I serisously forgot about this song. I sang this in church as my first solo...I think I still have the sound recording. Hm. Shall I post? Maybe. We'll see. I might just rerecord it. Though I don't have guitar so I won't be able to play any music to it.
It's a very poetic and deep song. I really love Jennifer Knapp. She was always one of my favorite Christian artists.
It was a refreshing morning wake up call.
Got my good morning message too.
Now off to start the day. Whoohoo!
Lol. I really need my laptop back so I can make these posts just a bit longer.
The End.
It's a very poetic and deep song. I really love Jennifer Knapp. She was always one of my favorite Christian artists.
It was a refreshing morning wake up call.
Got my good morning message too.
Now off to start the day. Whoohoo!
Lol. I really need my laptop back so I can make these posts just a bit longer.
The End.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Whisper To Me
I love whispering. Whispering in the dark is best. With a best friend, sibling, or lover....whispering in the dark is something that is almost perfect. It's like...you can say anything. Anything at all and it's ok because you can't see a thing. All you do is hear. Listen. And boy do you hear things between the words that are being spoken. Am I being stupid? Perhaps. I don't really care. That's what I think.
I wonder if I will ever find someone whom I can whisper with.
That is why this song, along with the video I posted up below, is so...Aahh..
No romance has not been a part of my life. Not a major part. And I don't expect it to play a major role in it from here on out. Still, I would be happy with just one moment...just one. Even if it didn't lead anywhere beyond that point. Which it wouldn't, I'm pretty sure. How sad is this getting? Incredibly.
I never thought I'd even consider the posibility of the L word again. And now...
I gotta keep it to myself I guess.
It's best that way. Been doing it for a while now anyway. Sometimes things are better left unsaid??
Maybe.
I'm thinking on screen. Lol. How wierd.
My brother thinks I'm insane. He wants me to come live with him and save for a house. Idk about that. I love him and I know it would be fine. But I like my personal space. Doing what I want. Not that he would stop me but it's just not the same. And plus, I think he thinks I'm not safe to live alone. Hee hee. Ah childhood memories. They probably worry him.
I once slapped him in the face with a shoe.
Now that was funny!
Not at the time. He slapped me back. Then my mom slapped him. It was a regular slap fest. She beat him good and told him never hit a woman no matter what. He learned his lesson. I've never seen my mother hit anyone with a broom before. But my brothers are huge so it didn't hurt him much.
I luvers my brothers.
Today was rather interesting. Had someone be not so nice to me. I guess some person was having a bad day and wished to take it out on me. It's ok. Nothing broken.
I hope she is in a better mood tomorrow.
This is going to be rather short. I have some writing to do and an email to type.
The End.
I wonder if I will ever find someone whom I can whisper with.
That is why this song, along with the video I posted up below, is so...Aahh..
No romance has not been a part of my life. Not a major part. And I don't expect it to play a major role in it from here on out. Still, I would be happy with just one moment...just one. Even if it didn't lead anywhere beyond that point. Which it wouldn't, I'm pretty sure. How sad is this getting? Incredibly.
I never thought I'd even consider the posibility of the L word again. And now...
I gotta keep it to myself I guess.
It's best that way. Been doing it for a while now anyway. Sometimes things are better left unsaid??
Maybe.
I'm thinking on screen. Lol. How wierd.
My brother thinks I'm insane. He wants me to come live with him and save for a house. Idk about that. I love him and I know it would be fine. But I like my personal space. Doing what I want. Not that he would stop me but it's just not the same. And plus, I think he thinks I'm not safe to live alone. Hee hee. Ah childhood memories. They probably worry him.
I once slapped him in the face with a shoe.
Now that was funny!
Not at the time. He slapped me back. Then my mom slapped him. It was a regular slap fest. She beat him good and told him never hit a woman no matter what. He learned his lesson. I've never seen my mother hit anyone with a broom before. But my brothers are huge so it didn't hurt him much.
I luvers my brothers.
Today was rather interesting. Had someone be not so nice to me. I guess some person was having a bad day and wished to take it out on me. It's ok. Nothing broken.
I hope she is in a better mood tomorrow.
This is going to be rather short. I have some writing to do and an email to type.
The End.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Save Me
Ok, not 'save me' in the literal sense heh heh it's just the lyrics that have been playing in my mind all day. This band is amazing and this is one of my fave songs from them. Bunch of thoughts run through my mind when I hear this and today was no exception.
It's an incredibly sweet song if you really listen to it. And I really love it. So maybe I'm reading too much into the lyrics. Who knows. For all I do know the artists could have been talking about a freaking banana. LOL.
Ugh. Ew. Wierd.
Nothing like waking up to a beautiful sunny day. Oh sun! :)
I got to go horseback riding today. Double smiley for that. Oh yeah. I haven't been in forever. I love the fact that my 'sis in law' is outgoing and not afraid to get dirty. Not a prissy girly girl like most. Very cool. Figures that my horse's name was Trouble. No trouble happened though. It was like kismet. The preserve we went to was perfect and really made me feel as though I was back in the Wild West as a pioneer woman...especially when I kicked Trouble into a full out run!
Now it's time to relax by the fire with some drinks and then perhaps a round of 3man later tonight.
It's an incredibly sweet song if you really listen to it. And I really love it. So maybe I'm reading too much into the lyrics. Who knows. For all I do know the artists could have been talking about a freaking banana. LOL.
Ugh. Ew. Wierd.
Nothing like waking up to a beautiful sunny day. Oh sun! :)
I got to go horseback riding today. Double smiley for that. Oh yeah. I haven't been in forever. I love the fact that my 'sis in law' is outgoing and not afraid to get dirty. Not a prissy girly girl like most. Very cool. Figures that my horse's name was Trouble. No trouble happened though. It was like kismet. The preserve we went to was perfect and really made me feel as though I was back in the Wild West as a pioneer woman...especially when I kicked Trouble into a full out run!
Now it's time to relax by the fire with some drinks and then perhaps a round of 3man later tonight.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Whatever
I repel technology. It hates me. I think the 1800's would have been more appropriate for me. Lol. Alas, another laptop bites the dust. Thank goodness this one is fixable. Virus. Grr..
Even with that, I had a great wake up song today! Oh yeah. And it totally fits my mood. Whatever.
Whatever happens, happens. Whatever I say, I do, I think, feel....is my own beeswax. LOL.
Hooray! I needed an upbeat tune today. There was a smile on my lips and a groove in my step as I got dressed this morning. Blasted the song once my chickadee woke up and we had ourselves a mini dance session. I love sweet moments like that.
Work was smooth last night. I miss peeing man. Yes, even though he drove me nuts :) Jesus Lady is still there. LOL. She's cute. Blind as a bat that one and still wandering up and down the hallway with her walker. Always muttering, "Oh Jesus. Help me, Jesus. Are you there Jesus?" Funny thing is that other than the memory loss and blindness...her health is superb. Quite fit for an older gal.
Another one of my faves is one I call Watchitman Heh heh. Because he's always asking the time so you'll be distracted long enough for him to take a whack at your ass. Dirty old man. :D
I'm so glad Ladies Night wasn't a total bust. Ang had to work and R is still in the Big Apple so it was just S and me with a chick flick and a cheap bottle of wine. Which worked out perfect for me too cuz my babysitter was unavailable.
You know, I've met some pretty amazing people I would hever had the chance to meet if it weren't for the internet. Some ppl just use it to be more of an ahole than they already are but them aside, I am thankful for the truly good ones. I made it my mission to find one thing (at least) to be thankful for each day. There really is so much. Even if my mood is foul. So I am thankful today for my SNLW's and my PIC--who I hope comes back soon!
The End.
Even with that, I had a great wake up song today! Oh yeah. And it totally fits my mood. Whatever.
Whatever happens, happens. Whatever I say, I do, I think, feel....is my own beeswax. LOL.
Hooray! I needed an upbeat tune today. There was a smile on my lips and a groove in my step as I got dressed this morning. Blasted the song once my chickadee woke up and we had ourselves a mini dance session. I love sweet moments like that.
Work was smooth last night. I miss peeing man. Yes, even though he drove me nuts :) Jesus Lady is still there. LOL. She's cute. Blind as a bat that one and still wandering up and down the hallway with her walker. Always muttering, "Oh Jesus. Help me, Jesus. Are you there Jesus?" Funny thing is that other than the memory loss and blindness...her health is superb. Quite fit for an older gal.
Another one of my faves is one I call Watchitman Heh heh. Because he's always asking the time so you'll be distracted long enough for him to take a whack at your ass. Dirty old man. :D
I'm so glad Ladies Night wasn't a total bust. Ang had to work and R is still in the Big Apple so it was just S and me with a chick flick and a cheap bottle of wine. Which worked out perfect for me too cuz my babysitter was unavailable.
You know, I've met some pretty amazing people I would hever had the chance to meet if it weren't for the internet. Some ppl just use it to be more of an ahole than they already are but them aside, I am thankful for the truly good ones. I made it my mission to find one thing (at least) to be thankful for each day. There really is so much. Even if my mood is foul. So I am thankful today for my SNLW's and my PIC--who I hope comes back soon!
The End.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Bad Day
Remembering certain parts of my life sometimes brings tears. This morning's song made me think about those parts. I won't put which song so I don't kill it for whoever. If anyone is reading. Lol. I know at least one is.
These memories came flooding even faster when my ex showed up with roses and one of the best apologies to ever leave his lips.
Did you know words can hurt worse than a slap in the face? I've experienced both. Trust me, I know.
I almost fell for it. Almost.
Those first memories that came back were the good ones. Ah seventeen. The courting, (yeah) and him actually waiting two years. It's one of the reasons I never dated before then. No guy was willing to wait for sex that long.
Then of course I got knocked up at nineteen. Hmm. Should have waited a little longer. But my chickadee is the best thing so I don't regret that.
Next memories to hit me? The bad ones. Yeah. Married too early against my better judgment. I never wanted to get married. Not until I was thirty five. Maybe not at all. But it seemed like the 'right' thing to do and then there was the whole church thing....anyway.
The next few years were hell. I wrote a poem about it.
Kind of a downer. I had a good long chat with a friend who set me right. Reminded me what I already know. I'm no longer a victim. He's only trying to mess with me because I'm actually moving on without him.
His only redeeming quality, in my eyes, is that our chickadee is his entire world. Every ounce of love he once directed at me is hers. How is that possible? How can a man be so good everyone else but one person?
Ugh. No use pondering that.
The End.
These memories came flooding even faster when my ex showed up with roses and one of the best apologies to ever leave his lips.
Did you know words can hurt worse than a slap in the face? I've experienced both. Trust me, I know.
I almost fell for it. Almost.
Those first memories that came back were the good ones. Ah seventeen. The courting, (yeah) and him actually waiting two years. It's one of the reasons I never dated before then. No guy was willing to wait for sex that long.
Then of course I got knocked up at nineteen. Hmm. Should have waited a little longer. But my chickadee is the best thing so I don't regret that.
Next memories to hit me? The bad ones. Yeah. Married too early against my better judgment. I never wanted to get married. Not until I was thirty five. Maybe not at all. But it seemed like the 'right' thing to do and then there was the whole church thing....anyway.
The next few years were hell. I wrote a poem about it.
She breathes and I breathe with her
Every ragged breath a whisper
Of the misery that's promised from the moment she wakes up
And she wonders how it happened
When did they lose the magic?
When did laughter become
Something to be punished for?
She cries and I cry with her
Tears like blood soaked rivers
Trailing down the angry marks
She sometimes has to hide
Their desire used to smolder
Memories are what hold her
And she wishes that man she loved
Would come back to her again
She moves and I move with her
As she pushes herself harder
To be the picture perfect woman
He says she'll never be
His words begin to haunt her
His demands only get harsher
It's hard to keep her head held high
With the things she's forced to do
The days are lonely and long
Waiting for the next thing she'll do wrong
But darkness brings more fear
Because it's when he holds her near
She shuts her eyes and whispers to herself
If you touch him just right
You might survive the night
Put all emotion away
And you'll be okay
He doesn't mean to do this
He doesn't like getting mad
Just take what he gives you
It really doesn't hurt...so bad
She weeps and I weep with her
For the truth is that I was her
I'm learning what I thought was love
Wasn't meant to be that way
Now who she was is dead...I died with her
I've buried the remains of her with who I used to be.
Kind of a downer. I had a good long chat with a friend who set me right. Reminded me what I already know. I'm no longer a victim. He's only trying to mess with me because I'm actually moving on without him.
His only redeeming quality, in my eyes, is that our chickadee is his entire world. Every ounce of love he once directed at me is hers. How is that possible? How can a man be so good everyone else but one person?
Ugh. No use pondering that.
The End.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Joyous
Yes, joyous is how I feel this morning. Despite things that go wrong for me on an almost daily basis, I do feel a lot of joy. For everything. My life is not perfect but it's perfect for me. I only hope it gets better. Aw, what am I saying? It can only get better.
On that same joyful note, my morning song matches very well:
Yup. I woke up with that tune on my lips and I'm pretty sure I was singing it yesterday too. It's one of my favorites. You can't help but smile when you hear it.
Yeesh. I guess I am too perky for my own good. But it's been so long since I've been...allowed to be myself. And I'm going to do just that from now on.
It was all in all a great day. I got some writing done, though not as much as I'd like to have done. I made waffles with my chickadee. They were edible. Let's just leave it at that. Lol.
I'm trying to learn how to cook. More. I can cook but my skills are limited when it comes to the culinary arts. I'll draw you a picture and write you a story, no problem. Cook eggs? Uh...yeah...not happening.
Holy moly the price of gas is just ridiculous! I used to be able to fill up with twenty five bucks. Now it's almost forty! What the heck is going on? Am I going to have to start biking?
Actually that's not a bad idea. Well, besides when I take the chickadee with me. Then it would be a problem.
Got myself an iPod shuffle :) Lame or not I LOVE it. It's my first iPod in forever. Pretty affordable. Which is why I got it. Now I'm in love with the iPad though. But that is a dream for another time in my life. No way can I afford it now.
The End.
On that same joyful note, my morning song matches very well:
Yup. I woke up with that tune on my lips and I'm pretty sure I was singing it yesterday too. It's one of my favorites. You can't help but smile when you hear it.
Yeesh. I guess I am too perky for my own good. But it's been so long since I've been...allowed to be myself. And I'm going to do just that from now on.
It was all in all a great day. I got some writing done, though not as much as I'd like to have done. I made waffles with my chickadee. They were edible. Let's just leave it at that. Lol.
I'm trying to learn how to cook. More. I can cook but my skills are limited when it comes to the culinary arts. I'll draw you a picture and write you a story, no problem. Cook eggs? Uh...yeah...not happening.
Holy moly the price of gas is just ridiculous! I used to be able to fill up with twenty five bucks. Now it's almost forty! What the heck is going on? Am I going to have to start biking?
Actually that's not a bad idea. Well, besides when I take the chickadee with me. Then it would be a problem.
Got myself an iPod shuffle :) Lame or not I LOVE it. It's my first iPod in forever. Pretty affordable. Which is why I got it. Now I'm in love with the iPad though. But that is a dream for another time in my life. No way can I afford it now.
The End.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Spontaneous
Oh a different tune! I love it! Funny thing is I've only heard this once before. Apparently my subconcious liked enough to store it in my memory. Interesting. Very interesting.
The lyrics are what I like most so that's why I picked this instead of the original video. Though the music is pretty great too. So yeah, that's what is on my mind this morning. The wind outside is amazing. I feel divine just standing in it. Gonna post more later...
8:45 PM
Yeah that was a short blurb this morning and I didn't feel like making a new post. So here I am again on the same. Hee.
Argh! Today was fun but ARGH!
A certain dear friend of mine joined me and my chickadee at the park today for some fun. Frisbee. Yeah so much fun LOL. It was all well and good until the frisbee took on a mind of its own and rode the wind into the lake. Just near the edge so I though what the hey? I can get it. Right?
Wrong.
This friend screamed at the top of her lungs, "Crocodile!"
I was so frightened by the sound of her voice that I lost my footing, slipped, and fell into the water. The nasty dirty lake water. With fish in it.
Of course we didn't drive there since it's only a few blocks away, so I was forced to walk the walk of shame...soaking wet. You know that wouldn't have been so bad if my pants weren't white. Lol. Some ppl got quite a show.
Humiliating to say the least.
And yeah, okay, funny. Not at the time but now it is. *snigger*
I'll get her back, oh don't you worry.
The End.
The lyrics are what I like most so that's why I picked this instead of the original video. Though the music is pretty great too. So yeah, that's what is on my mind this morning. The wind outside is amazing. I feel divine just standing in it. Gonna post more later...
8:45 PM
Yeah that was a short blurb this morning and I didn't feel like making a new post. So here I am again on the same. Hee.
Argh! Today was fun but ARGH!
A certain dear friend of mine joined me and my chickadee at the park today for some fun. Frisbee. Yeah so much fun LOL. It was all well and good until the frisbee took on a mind of its own and rode the wind into the lake. Just near the edge so I though what the hey? I can get it. Right?
Wrong.
This friend screamed at the top of her lungs, "Crocodile!"
I was so frightened by the sound of her voice that I lost my footing, slipped, and fell into the water. The nasty dirty lake water. With fish in it.
Of course we didn't drive there since it's only a few blocks away, so I was forced to walk the walk of shame...soaking wet. You know that wouldn't have been so bad if my pants weren't white. Lol. Some ppl got quite a show.
Humiliating to say the least.
And yeah, okay, funny. Not at the time but now it is. *snigger*
I'll get her back, oh don't you worry.
The End.
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